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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Are people in your country generally close to their families?

작성자: 송*라
2023-02-03 809

회원님의 영작문

In the past, family culture played important role in South Korea.
When I look back on my childhood, my grand father and my father decided what my family do next.
And, we did all together.
We used to share joy, sadness even anger.
However, this phenomenon has totally changed.
Recently, I can see that people enjoy individualism instead of family culture in normal life.
Many people consider their own dream, plan and interests more important than the ones of family.
Even some Koreans do not understand self-sacrifice for their family.
So, lots of Koreans are getting far from their family.
Moreover, COVID-19 prohibited for families to get together, even holidays.
In the first time of the pandemic, people were so sorry to not get together.
Now, they take it for granted and enjoy their free time without family.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi Yu La!
The efforts that you showed in your composition this week were outstanding.
I hope you would keep the same determination always.
Your diligence is what sets you apart from the rest so take pride in that.^^
~~ Teacher Sharon
In the past, family culture played important role in South Korea.
>> In the past, family culture played an important role in South Korea.
When I look back on my childhood, my grand father and my father decided what my family do next.
>> When I look back on my childhood, my grandfather and my father decided on what my family would do next.
And, we did all together.
>> We did everything together.
We used to share joy, sadness even anger.
>> We used to share joy, sadness and even anger.
However, this phenomenon has totally changed.
>> Correct
Recently, I can see that people enjoy individualism instead of family culture in normal life.
>> Correct
Many people consider their own dream, plan and interests more important than the ones of family.
>> Many people consider their own dreams, plans and interests more important than the ones of family.
Even some Koreans do not understand self-sacrifice for their family.
>> Correct
So, lots of Koreans are getting far from their family.
>> So, lots of Koreans are becoming more estranged from their family. 
Moreover, COVID-19 prohibited for families to get together, even holidays.
>> Moreover, COVID-19 prohibited families to get together, even on holidays.
In the first time of the pandemic, people were so sorry to not get together.
>> In the beginning of the pandemic, people felt so sorry for not being able to get together.
Now, they take it for granted and enjoy their free time without family.
>> Correct
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