무료 레벨테스트 받고 강사평가 남기면 1,OOO원 쿠폰 즉시 적립!

혹시 사이트에선 찾지 못한 궁금한 점이 있으세요?
남겨주신 이메일을 통해 답변 드리겠습니다.

문의하신 내용이 문자로 발송되오니
연락처를 남겨주세요.
업무시간 월~금 오전9시~오후6시
(점심시간 낮12시~오후1시)

영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Does violence on TV influence some young people to engage in violent behavior?

작성자: 김*경
2023-02-08 1071

회원님의 영작문

Definitely true. On that account, TV programs have been monitored by concerning broadcasting committees or civic groups. As you know, young people are prone to copying others’ behaviors so we can’t stress the importance of an educational environment enough. If a young child grows up in a market, he would learn how to trade and bargain. If a young child grows next to a school, he would copy the student who is learning at school because Monkey See, Monkey Do. I think violence also can be learned and acquired by surroundings. So if we want to keep our society more peaceful, we need to be more careful about what young people see and hear. We need to strive to help them respect and love one another by sustaining more educational environments.

Precious things are difficult to build up and it takes a long to obtain them, however, they might fall apart in an instant. We have tried to keep the country safe for a long, like a gun-free society. So We need to try to preserve them afterward.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

The power and control that TV programs can have on its viewers, especially the young, are undeniably strong. You did a great job at enumerating some examples, and for using the idiom, "monkey see, monkey do". Idioms always add a nice touch to compositions, and you were able to execute it perfectly here. :) Superb essay, Steve. ^^
~T.Harmony

Definitely true. 
>> CORRECT!
On that account, TV programs have been monitored by concerning broadcasting committees or civic groups. 
>> CORRECT!
As you know, young people are prone to copying others’ behaviors so we can’t stress the importance of an educational environment enough.
>> CORRECT!
If a young child grows up in a market, he would learn how to trade and bargain. 
>> CORRECT!
If a young child grows next to a school, he would copy the student who is learning at school because Monkey See, Monkey Do. 
>> CORRECT!
I think violence also can be learned and acquired by surroundings. 
>> ...violence can also be learned and acquired from our surroundings.
So if we want to keep our society more peaceful, we need to be more careful about what young people see and hear. 
>> CORRECT!
We need to strive to help them respect and love one another by sustaining more educational environments.
>> CORRECT!

Precious things are difficult to build up and it takes a long to obtain them, however, they might fall apart in an instant. 
>>...and it takes a long time to obtain them,...
We have tried to keep the country safe for a long, like a gun-free society. 
>>...the country safe for as long as we could,...
So We need to try to preserve them afterward.
>> CORRECT!
번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
124108 Do you agree that casual clothes can help students express... 김*문 완료 2022-12-12 1843
124107 Homework 12/12 고*진 완료 2022-12-12 6
124106 When do you take the bus? 임*호 완료 2022-12-12 0
124105 Homework 김*우 완료 2022-12-12 1603
124104 Should people switch to being vegetarian? Why or why not? 구*우 완료 2022-12-11 2190
124103 Is it necessary to study about the space? Why or why not? 구*우 완료 2022-12-11 1472
124102 When you do local or international trips, who do you usually go... 김*국 완료 2022-12-11 1
124101 Is there a place that you would never go to? Why? 김*국 완료 2022-12-11 1
124100 Homework 이*경 완료 2022-12-11 1271
124099 Homework 이*경 완료 2022-12-11 1366
124098 Do you plan your day or take it as it comes? 김*규 완료 2022-12-11 0
124097 Do you agree with the statement, “Rejection can make us... 전*연 완료 2022-12-11 1
124096 How do you reject something in a polite way? 전*연 완료 2022-12-11 2
124095 Car insurance can be expensive and in some countries the number... 전*연 완료 2022-12-11 2
124094 Why do we judge women by their appearance more than men? 전*연 완료 2022-12-11 1
124093 Need 민*정 완료 2022-12-10 2
124092 Homework 박*준 완료 2022-12-10 1033
124091 Conversation at a coffee shop 박*명 완료 2022-12-10 1215
124090 Should students be required to wear school uniforms? Why or why... 신*섭 완료 2022-12-10 2269
124089 Use the following words in creative sentences 신*섭 완료 2022-12-10 1706

HOW TO USE IT?

[마이페이지 > 수업 내용 보기 > 학습 캘린더 > 영작교정 버튼 클릭]

수업 횟수만큼 영작교정 게시판이 생성되며,
지난 날짜에도 게시 할 수 있습니다.

주5회 수업 : 월 20회 이용 가능
주3회 수업 : 월 12회 이용 가능
주2회 수업 : 월 08회 이용 가능
01
교정 내용은 최대 1,000byte까지 올릴 수 있습니다.

첨부 파일은 원활한 첨삭을 위한 참고자료로 사용될 뿐,
파일에 대한 첨삭은 불가능 합니다.

업로드 가능한 첨부 파일은 최대 2mb까지이며,
첨부 할 수 있는 파일 형식은 다음과 같습니다.

문서 - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
이미지 - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
전문 분야를 제외한 회원님이 직접 작성한 글만
첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
완료 되는 것을 원칙으로 하고 있습니다.
03
하루 게시 가능한 글은 3회까지 이며,
종료된 수업의 영작교정 게시판은
이용이 어려운 점 양해 부탁 드립니다.
04

와이즈에듀케이션아이(주) 사이트명: 파워잉글리쉬 대표이사 전상현
사업자등록번호: 217-81-44736 통신판매신고번호: 2014-서울도봉-0233호
서울본사: 서울시 노원구 한글비석로 245 두타빌 B동 7층 713호
대표번호 1688-8672 개인정보관리 책임자: 안희영 [powerenglish@pweng.net]