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Is bullying rampant in schools in your country? Can bullying be prevented?

작성자: 황*하
2023-03-06 1748

회원님의 영작문

School bullying has already became serious social problem in my country. It is really difficult to prevent school violance because parents can't intervene student's relationship. Adults hope children to solve their problem by themselves because they are not mentally stable so nobody knows what they are thinking and reacting, if adults would like to involve their problem. I heard that students knows very well about national laws for teenagers taht they are not punished heavily, although they commit a serious crime involving murder. Our law is well known for light sentense, especially for teenagers. So, students do whatever they want to do even in the class. Some students simply ignore teacher's comments and advice. They use teenager's law in a adverse ways. I believe that polarization is one of the major causes that might result on school bullying. Students who don't receive proper care from their parents need to get moral education because they are not mentally stable .

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Good day, Sir Hwang!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille

School bullying has already became serious social problem in my country. 
>> School bullying has already become a serious social problem in my country. 
It is really difficult to prevent school violance because parents can't intervene student's relationship. 
>> It is really difficult to prevent school violence because parents can't intervene in student's relationships. 
OR >>  It is really difficult to prevent school violence because parents can't interfere with student's relationships. 
Adults hope children to solve their problem by themselves because they are not mentally stable so nobody knows what they are thinking and reacting, if adults would like to involve their problem. 
>> Adults hope children to solve their problem by themselves because they are not mentally stable so nobody knows what they are thinking and reacting, if adults would like to be involved in their problems. 
I heard that students knows very well about national laws for teenagers taht they are not punished heavily, although they commit a serious crime involving murder. 
>> I heard that students know very well about our national laws for teenagers that they are not punished heavily, although they commit a serious crime involving murder. 
Our law is well known for light sentense, especially for teenagers. 
>> Our law is well-known for light sentences, especially for teenagers. 
So, students do whatever they want to do even in the class. 
>> CORRECT!
Some students simply ignore teacher's comments and advice. 
>> CORRECT!
They use teenager's law in a adverse ways. 
>> CORRECT!
I believe that polarization is one of the major causes that might result on school bullying. 
>> I believe that polarization is one of the major causes that might result to school bullying. 
Students who don't receive proper care from their parents need to get moral education because they are not mentally stable.
>> CORRECT!

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