¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Peace of world

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Á¶*¿µ
2023-03-13 952

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think it¡¯s kind of difficult before rid themselves of greed.
The reasons of war are greeds.
Even through it¡¯s difficult to be in peace, but we always try to solve the problem of world.
Always we have to think about living together world people.
Then we get better little by little.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Yeong!
This is a very simple and direct answer.
This is actually a good answer.
Thanks:)
~~ Teacher James
I think it¡¯s kind of difficult before rid themselves of greed.
>>> I believe it will be difficult for them to overcome their greed.
The reasons of war are greeds.
>>>Greed is the root cause of war.
Even through it¡¯s difficult to be in peace, but we always try to solve the problem of world.
>>> Even though it is difficult to live in peace, we always strive to solve the world's problems.
Always we have to think about living together world people.
>>> We must always consider how people around the world coexist.
Then we get better little by little.
>>> CORRECT
>>OR: Then we gradually get better.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
126001 What do you like the most about that holiday? ¹Ú*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-02-26 1291
126000 Homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-26 1347
125999 Homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-26 1350
125998 [Writing Task] What things do you always need to bring when you... ¹Ú*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-25 1
125997 i had some bed storys:) À±*Çý ¿Ï·á 2023-02-25 5
125996 Have you ever been in a difficult situation while traveling? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-02-25 1010
125995 Can you talk about three things you like about yourself? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-02-25 1168
125994 homework02.25 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-02-25 992
125993 How do koreans celebrate happy events? ±¸*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-02-24 5
125992 my puppy is cookie ÀÌ*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-24 2257
125991 A good mother. ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-02-24 995
125990 Kingking ÃÖ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-02-24 3
125989 Courteous ÃÖ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-24 1188
125988 home work 2/23 ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-24 1285
125987 What name would you give your robot if you had one? Why? ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-24 1273
125986 Describe a time you made an unpopular decision. How did you... ÀÓ*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-02-24 1433
125985 Write a situation you know of or experienced that applies a... ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-02-24 2
125984 homework ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-24 1409
125983 homework ½Å*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-02-24 2
125982 season ¹Ú*¶÷ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-24 1668

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04