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Why is going to the military considered a state duty? Should military service be mandatory or option

작성자: 황*하
2023-03-17 1200

회원님의 영작문

Korea is only one country which is devided with two countries in the world. There always be risk of war because we are in ceasefire now so we want to make an agreement with North Korea to end of the war. In addition, Korea is located around the powerful nations such as China, Japan and Russia. We need to prevent our country by ourself. That's why we have choosen conscription. Men who don't have mental and physical problem have to join the army mandatorily. There were a lot of problem in the army. Most people have experienced physical violence from their senior during conscription period that might be serious injury. Victims couldn't get proper treatment although, they have suffered from assault. It is common to hide whatever have happened in the army because sergents don't want to speread it to public. Administors in the army have realized that military culture must be changed years ago, but there still be victim there. So, what if we can hire soldiers with high sarary, it would be th

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Good day, Sir Hwang!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille

Korea is only one country which is devided with two countries in the world. 
>> Korea is only one country which is divided into two countries in the world. 
There always be risk of war because we are in ceasefire now so we want to make an agreement with North Korea to end of the war. 
>> There will always be risk of war because we are in ceasefire now so we want to make an agreement with North Korea to end the war.
In addition, Korea is located around the powerful nations such as China, Japan and Russia. 
>> CORRECT!
We need to prevent our country by ourself. 
>> We need to prevent our country by ourselves. 
That's why we have choosen conscription. 
>> That's why we have chosen conscription. 
Men who don't have mental and physical problem have to join the army mandatorily. 
>> CORRECT!
There were a lot of problem in the army. 
>> There were a lot of problems in the army. 
Most people have experienced physical violence from their senior during conscription period that might be serious injury. 
>> Most people have experienced physical violence from their senior during conscription period that might result to serious injuries. 
Victims couldn't get proper treatment although, they have suffered from assault. 
>> CORRECT!
It is common to hide whatever have happened in the army because sergents don't want to speread it to public. 
>> It is common to hide whatever have happened in the army because sergeants don't want to spread it to the public. 
Administors in the army have realized that military culture must be changed years ago, but there still be victim there. 
>> Administrators in the army have realized that military culture must have been changed years ago, but there were still victims there. 
So, what if we can hire soldiers with high sarary, it would be th
>> So, if we hire soldiers with high salary, it would be their benefit to take advantage of the others in the military.
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