¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you think we should continue these rocket launches at the cost of accidents that can inflict harm

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*¾Æ
2023-03-26 1570

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I believe we should continue these rocket launches at the cost of accidents that can inflict harm on innocent civilians. Every day, hours, minutes¡¦ Every moment the earth is going to collapse. A lot of countries have been suffering from natural disasters. The world will no longer exist. At this point, no one may deny this fact. So what? We need to find the solution to survive, which is these rocket launches. Of course, innocent civilians will suffer the cost of accidents. But we need to do something to prepare for the future. There is one feature that people who succeed in their life, which is scarification; also means effort. Peter the Great of Russia expanded his territory by scarifying his empire and citizens; so Russia became the strongest empire then. This is what I mean. Someone must sacrifice and show a huge effort to develop, improve, and succeed.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

A near perfectly written composition essay, Su A!  It was convincing, and props to you for using a moment from history as an example. As for my suggestion, when you implied that civilians will certainly suffer, it would be nice if you mentioned that improvements for these rocket launches, if they are to continue, should also consider to ensure that few to no civilians should be hurt. I think your readers would appreciate that feeling of reassurance.  I'm curious if you knew about Peter the Great of Russia from books you've read in the past? If so, it goes to show that reading books can go a long way and take you far. You'll never run out of things to say when you read books.  
~T.Harmony <3

I believe we should continue these rocket launches at the cost of accidents that can inflict harm on innocent civilians. 
>> CORRECT!
Every day, hours, minutes¡¦ Every moment the earth is going to collapse. 
>> Every day, every hour, every minute... Every moment, there is a huge possibility that the earth might collapse.
A lot of countries have been suffering from natural disasters. 
>> CORRECT!
The world will no longer exist.
>> CORRECT!
At this point, no one may deny this fact. 
>> CORRECT!
So what? We need to find the solution to survive, which is these rocket launches. 
>> CORRECT!
Of course, innocent civilians will suffer the cost of accidents. 
>> CORRECT!
But we need to do something to prepare for the future. 
>> CORRECT!
There is one feature that people who succeed in their life, which is scarification; also means effort. 
>> ...feature used by people who have succeeded in their lives, which is scarification; also means effort.
Peter the Great of Russia expanded his territory by scarifying his empire and citizens; so Russia became the strongest empire then. 
>> CORRECT!
This is what I mean. 
>> CORRECT!
Someone must sacrifice and show a huge effort to develop, improve, and succeed.
>> CORRECT!
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
125146 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-01-28 2382
125145 2023-1/27 HOMEWORK ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-27 1391
125144 The best movie for a date is¡¦ ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-01-27 1491
125143 homework ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-01-27 0
125142 homework ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-27 1244
125141 Do you think people should have plastic surgery to enhance their... ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-27 1156
125140 How can you overcome stage fright? ·ù*¼± ¿Ï·á 2023-01-27 1285
125139 Homework from the Feedback (4) ¹Ú*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-27 1505
125138 The perfect neighbor. ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-01-27 1644
125137 What makes you angry and why? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-01-27 1343
125136 Answer : What is your favorite Seollal Holiday memory? Á¤*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-27 1588
125135 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-27 0
125134 Friday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-01-27 1340
125133 homework ½Å*ÈÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-27 1095
125132 What is your feeling about mandatory military service in your... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-27 1275
125131 help ±è*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2023-01-27 0
125130 Explaining how am i adjusting to going back to your studies... ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-27 1086
125129 I think ¹Ú*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-01-27 1421
125128 Homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-01-27 1
125127 What change do you want for yourself this year? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-01-27 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04