¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you think we should continue these rocket launches at the cost of accidents that can inflict harm

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*¾Æ
2023-03-26 1520

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I believe we should continue these rocket launches at the cost of accidents that can inflict harm on innocent civilians. Every day, hours, minutes¡¦ Every moment the earth is going to collapse. A lot of countries have been suffering from natural disasters. The world will no longer exist. At this point, no one may deny this fact. So what? We need to find the solution to survive, which is these rocket launches. Of course, innocent civilians will suffer the cost of accidents. But we need to do something to prepare for the future. There is one feature that people who succeed in their life, which is scarification; also means effort. Peter the Great of Russia expanded his territory by scarifying his empire and citizens; so Russia became the strongest empire then. This is what I mean. Someone must sacrifice and show a huge effort to develop, improve, and succeed.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

A near perfectly written composition essay, Su A!  It was convincing, and props to you for using a moment from history as an example. As for my suggestion, when you implied that civilians will certainly suffer, it would be nice if you mentioned that improvements for these rocket launches, if they are to continue, should also consider to ensure that few to no civilians should be hurt. I think your readers would appreciate that feeling of reassurance.  I'm curious if you knew about Peter the Great of Russia from books you've read in the past? If so, it goes to show that reading books can go a long way and take you far. You'll never run out of things to say when you read books.  
~T.Harmony <3

I believe we should continue these rocket launches at the cost of accidents that can inflict harm on innocent civilians. 
>> CORRECT!
Every day, hours, minutes¡¦ Every moment the earth is going to collapse. 
>> Every day, every hour, every minute... Every moment, there is a huge possibility that the earth might collapse.
A lot of countries have been suffering from natural disasters. 
>> CORRECT!
The world will no longer exist.
>> CORRECT!
At this point, no one may deny this fact. 
>> CORRECT!
So what? We need to find the solution to survive, which is these rocket launches. 
>> CORRECT!
Of course, innocent civilians will suffer the cost of accidents. 
>> CORRECT!
But we need to do something to prepare for the future. 
>> CORRECT!
There is one feature that people who succeed in their life, which is scarification; also means effort. 
>> ...feature used by people who have succeeded in their lives, which is scarification; also means effort.
Peter the Great of Russia expanded his territory by scarifying his empire and citizens; so Russia became the strongest empire then. 
>> CORRECT!
This is what I mean. 
>> CORRECT!
Someone must sacrifice and show a huge effort to develop, improve, and succeed.
>> CORRECT!
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
125578 What¡¯s your favorite time of day? Why? ¹è*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-13 1523
125577 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-02-13 1
125576 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-02-13 1
125575 homework Æí*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-13 1
125574 Do nothing ±è*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-13 2
125573 It is responsibility of parents for chlidren to become... ±è*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2023-02-13 1368
125572 What would you need to do to be happy? ¹Ú*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-02-13 1580
125571 How do you start your day? ÀÓ*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-02-13 1539
125570 Which country do you wish to visit, and why? Àå*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-02-13 1673
125569 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-13 1
125568 [Homework] What is the most famous festival in your country? ¹Ú*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-13 2
125567 Family ±Ç*ÀÏ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-13 2
125566 2/13 °í*Áø ¿Ï·á 2023-02-13 5
125565 What did you do last weekend? ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-13 0
125564 Education ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-02-12 1738
125563 Reason of English fluency ±è*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-12 1540
125562 Why do you think people commit crimes? ±¸*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-02-12 1770
125561 What is the dirtiest job you could think of? Why? ±¸*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-02-12 1708
125560 Why do you think people pursue to study abroad? ±¸*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-02-12 1905
125559 rule ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-12 3

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04