¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What do you think is the most serious health problem in Korea? Why?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Àå*Àº
2023-04-11 2160

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I dont know the health problems in Korea, so I will write the serious problems in all parts in Korea.
The biggest problem in korea is a small amount of babies. Many couples don't want to raise babies even one baby. When I was young, there were 4-50 students in one class in the elementary school but now, I've heard about that there are 15-20 students in one class. Reducing a rate of babies can cause the increasing amount of old men. Then it causes that there are no more people who can work and the economic recession will gonna be happened. The problems in a country are connected with each other, complicatedly.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Gem!
Thank you for your efforts again today. This was an insightful essay. See you tomorrow! ^^
~~Teacher Kate 

I dont know the health problems in Korea, so I will write the serious problems in all parts in Korea.
>>I don't know the health problems in Korea, so I will write about the serious problems in all parts in Korea.
The biggest problem in korea is a small amount of babies. 
>>The biggest problem in Korea is the small number of babies. 
Many couples don't want to raise babies even one baby. 
>>CORRECT!
When I was young, there were 4-50 students in one class in the elementary school but now, I've heard about that there are 15-20 students in one class. 
>>When I was young, there were around 40-50 students in one class in elementary schools but now, I've heard that there are only 15-20 students in one class. 
Reducing a rate of babies can cause the increasing amount of old men. 
>>Reducing the birth rate can cause the increase in the number of old people. 
Then it causes that there are no more people who can work and the economic recession will gonna be happened. 
>>Because of that, there won't be people who can work and the economic recession will happen. 
The problems in a country are connected with each other, complicatedly.
>>CORRECT!
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
124893 Asking for a replacement. ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-01-15 1244
124892 What are the advantages and disadvantages of traveling alone? ¾ç*Àº ¿Ï·á 2023-01-15 1428
124891 Homework ¿À*º½ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-15 2
124890 Homework Àå*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-15 1
124889 Homework ¿À*º½ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-15 3
124888 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-01-15 0
124887 I have very expnsive nintendo ¿À*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-15 3
124886 No ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-15 0
124885 The reason why and what can we do for people who are not active... ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-15 1578
124884 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-01-15 1
124883 Worst restaurant ¹Ú*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-01-15 1522
124882 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-01-15 0
124881 Is good teamwork essential to the kind of work you do? ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-15 1
124880 Is it easy for you to commute going to your workplace? What are... ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-15 2
124879 weekend routine ¹Ú*º° ¿Ï·á 2023-01-15 1035
124878 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-01-15 1015
124877 Homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-14 1183
124876 Homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-14 1219
124875 Homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-14 1163
124874 Homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-14 1284

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04