¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What do you think is the most serious health problem in Korea? Why?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Àå*Àº
2023-04-11 1970

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I dont know the health problems in Korea, so I will write the serious problems in all parts in Korea.
The biggest problem in korea is a small amount of babies. Many couples don't want to raise babies even one baby. When I was young, there were 4-50 students in one class in the elementary school but now, I've heard about that there are 15-20 students in one class. Reducing a rate of babies can cause the increasing amount of old men. Then it causes that there are no more people who can work and the economic recession will gonna be happened. The problems in a country are connected with each other, complicatedly.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Gem!
Thank you for your efforts again today. This was an insightful essay. See you tomorrow! ^^
~~Teacher Kate 

I dont know the health problems in Korea, so I will write the serious problems in all parts in Korea.
>>I don't know the health problems in Korea, so I will write about the serious problems in all parts in Korea.
The biggest problem in korea is a small amount of babies. 
>>The biggest problem in Korea is the small number of babies. 
Many couples don't want to raise babies even one baby. 
>>CORRECT!
When I was young, there were 4-50 students in one class in the elementary school but now, I've heard about that there are 15-20 students in one class. 
>>When I was young, there were around 40-50 students in one class in elementary schools but now, I've heard that there are only 15-20 students in one class. 
Reducing a rate of babies can cause the increasing amount of old men. 
>>Reducing the birth rate can cause the increase in the number of old people. 
Then it causes that there are no more people who can work and the economic recession will gonna be happened. 
>>Because of that, there won't be people who can work and the economic recession will happen. 
The problems in a country are connected with each other, complicatedly.
>>CORRECT!
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
130512 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-25 3482
130511 homework 08.25 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-08-25 4067
130510 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-08-25 0
130509 What\'s your thought on news articles having blurred photos,... ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-08-25 3
130508 What\'s your favorite snack at the movies? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-08-25 5502
130507 If you will learn a new language, what would it be and why? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-08-25 4187
130506 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-25 0
130505 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-25 0
130504 What safety measures can we do to keep ourselves safe from... Á¤*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-25 4972
130503 Why do students in Korea need to go to many academies? ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2023-08-25 0
130502 What can your government do to alleviate with the problem of... ÀÌ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-25 2
130501 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-08-25 4105
130500 Homework ÇÏ*¸² ¿Ï·á 2023-08-25 1
130499 WRITING TASK: What is your favorite activity with your mother? ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2023-08-25 2
130498 Writing Exercise: How do you manage your work-life balance? ¼­*ÅÃ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-25 3101
130497 What danger does your country pose to the global environment? ±Ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2023-08-25 0
130496 Describe a perfect weekend for you ÁÖ*Áø ¿Ï·á 2023-08-25 1
130495 Do you have any exercise or fitness goals that you¡¯d like to... º¹*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-25 1
130494 What do you think is the biggest change in how families are in... ÀÌ*¾ç ¿Ï·á 2023-08-25 3648
130493 Homework ¼Û*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-25 3069

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04