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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Please share one tragic accident that has happened in your country, and include your reaction.

작성자: 이*아
2023-04-11 1377

회원님의 영작문

Do you know about Jeju's April 3rd accident? 2023, which is the 75th anniversary of the accident. This accident happened from April 3rd,1947 to September 21st, 1954. For 7 years and 7 months, about 6-8 million Jeju citizens were tutored and suppressed by Korea's abusive government. At that time, Korea had a conflict between the communist, Mr.Kim, and democracy, Mr.Lee. They had a huge rebellion, so Koreans had a hard time deciding which side is the right path for Korea. It was time to decide and vote. However, only Jeju citizens were not able to vote because of the fire in the polls. However, Mr. Lee argued that democracy used its power to abuse people who rebel against him, and he thought Jeju rebelled against him because they didn't vote. This is the start of this sad story. Jeju citizens were tortured in speechless ways to torture, murdered for unexpected reasons, fired and burned, etc. An isolated island surrounded by the sea, Jeju Island was a huge prison and massacre.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Thank you for the very informative essay, Su A! I had no idea that such incident happened 75 years ago, and I am saddened to know about it. It is never a good thing when so much innocent lives are taken, so I admire your school for encouraging its students to be aware of this historical moment and to commemorate it.
~T.Harmony <3

2023, which is the 75th anniversary of the accident. 
>> 2023 is the 75th year anniversary of the accident.
This accident happened from April 3rd,1947 to September 21st, 1954. 
>> CORRECT!
For 7 years and 7 months, about 6-8 million Jeju citizens were tutored and suppressed by Korea's abusive government. 
>> ...were tortured and...
At that time, Korea had a conflict between the communist, Mr.Kim, and democracy, Mr.Lee. 
>> ...and democratic, Mr. Lee.
They had a huge rebellion, so Koreans had a hard time deciding which side is the right path for Korea. 
>> CORRECT!
It was time to decide and vote. 
>> CORRECT!
OR>> Until the moment arrived when it was time for them to make a decision and vote.
However, only Jeju citizens were not able to vote because of the fire in the polls. 
>> CORRECT!
However, Mr. Lee argued that democracy used its power to abuse people who rebel against him, and he thought Jeju rebelled against him because they didn't vote. 
>> ...who rebelled against him,...
This is the start of this sad story. 
>> CORRECT!
OR>> This is the beginning of this sad and tragic story.
Jeju citizens were tortured in speechless ways to torture, murdered for unexpected reasons, fired and burned, etc. 
>> CORRECT!
An isolated island surrounded by the sea, Jeju Island was a huge prison and massacre.
>> ...Jeju Island became a huge prison filled with massacre.
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