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영작교정 게시판

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How can individuals maintain social connections and prevent loneliness in a world where technology o

작성자: 황*하
2023-04-28 1410

회원님의 영작문

There are a lot of chances to make new friends via internet cafe or social networking site but it has limitation to be more close friends because most people are interested in having more friends and want to show their happy moment by unloading their photos. I think that some people are consoled from an anonymous person because it is easy to tell anything in someone's mind to them. It is really effective way to solve someone's mental problem. Although, it has many advantages, I prefer to have offline socializing because I believe that people can be more relaxed, happy and excited in offline meeting. It is serious problem that people are more into internet socilizing. I have seen news about social problem that people don't want to meet anybody because they are not familar with offline socializing. In addition, parents are working together to educate their children and make their household stable. So, many people suffer from being lonely even though, they have many chances to talk wit

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Good day, Sir Hwang!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille


There are a lot of chances to make new friends via internet cafe or social networking site but it has limitation to be more close friends because most people are interested in having more friends and want to show their happy moment by unloading their photos. 
>> There are a lot of chances to make new friends via internet cafes or social networking sites but it has a limitation to be more close friends because most people are interested in having more friends and want to show their happy moment by uploading their photos. 
I think that some people are consoled from an anonymous person because it is easy to tell anything in someone's mind to them. 
>> CORRECT!
It is really effective way to solve someone's mental problem. 
>> It is really an effective way to solve someone's mental problem. 
Although, it has many advantages, I prefer to have offline socializing because I believe that people can be more relaxed, happy and excited in offline meeting. 
>> Although, it has many advantages, I prefer to have offline socializing because I believe that people can be more relaxed, happy and excited in offline meetings. 
It is serious problem that people are more into internet socilizing. 
>> It is a serious problem that people are more into internet socializing. 
I have seen news about social problem that people don't want to meet anybody because they are not familar with offline socializing. 
>> I have seen news about social problem that people don't want to meet anybody because they are not familiar with offline socializing. 
In addition, parents are working together to educate their children and make their household stable.
>> CORRECT!
 So, many people suffer from being lonely even though, they have many chances to talk wit
>>  So, many people suffer from being lonely even though, they have many chances to talk with other people especially those who are close to them.

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