¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

The bad behavior is not good things.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: À±*Çý
2023-05-26 2795

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think bad behavior is easily breaks other people's happiness or for their own happiness.
For example, be pickpocket, fraud, murder, ect.
I think we're animals that coexist after all, and we're collective animals that can't do anything if there's only one person.
It's not a good thing to sacrifice yourself for everyone, but I also think it's a problem for people who value others low for themselves.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Da Hye,


I wanted to commend you on completing your homework and sharing your thoughts on the topic of bad behavior and its impact on happiness. You've provided some insightful examples and expressed your perspective clearly. I appreciate your effort in exploring the concept of coexistence and the importance of valuing others. If you have any questions or would like to discuss your essay further, please don't hesitate to reach out. Keep up the excellent work, and I look forward to seeing your continued progress.

~Teacher Cathy

 

I think bad behavior is easily breaks other people's happiness or for their own happiness.

>>I think bad behavior easily breaks other people's happiness or one's own happiness.
For example, be pickpocket, fraud, murder, ect.

>>For example, pickpocketing, fraud, murder, etc.
I think we're animals that coexist after all, and we're collective animals that can't do anything if there's only one person.

>>CORRECT

OR>>I believe we are animals that coexist, and we are collective animals who cannot achieve much if there is only one person.
It's not a good thing to sacrifice yourself for everyone, but I also think it's a problem for people who value others low for themselves.

>>CORRECT

OR>>It's not a good thing to sacrifice yourself for everyone, but I also think it's problematic when people undervalue others in comparison to themselves.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
130363 Create your final spiel ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-08-22 4434
130362 When do you prefer having a family gathering ÀÌ*¾ç ¿Ï·á 2023-08-22 4756
130361 Last weekend, I went¡¦ ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-08-22 3855
130360 If you received a threat online, how would you deal with it? ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-08-21 2
130359 Today\'s homework ÀÌ*µµ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-21 4699
130358 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-08-21 0
130357 homework 08.21 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-08-21 3208
130356 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-08-21 2432
130355 What\'s your favorite way to get to school? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-08-21 3549
130354 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-08-21 0
130353 Who do you think is the most underrated actor/actress? Why? ¹Ú*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-08-21 3461
130352 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-08-21 0
130351 Homework ÀÌ*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-21 3258
130350 When you are stressed and tired what do you do to relax? ¼Û*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-08-21 4445
130349 What do students usually do in English camps? Do you think it\'s... ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2023-08-21 0
130348 I think it\'s very important to communicate with people. À±*Çý ¿Ï·á 2023-08-21 4639
130347 They don\'t complain about what they can understand. À±*Çý ¿Ï·á 2023-08-21 4271
130346 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-08-21 3453
130345 Do you think victims¡¯ families get a sense of closure knowing a... ±Ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2023-08-21 1
130344 8/7 homework °­*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-21 0

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04