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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Homework

작성자: 김*우
2023-05-31 328

회원님의 영작문

Hi.
How was your May?
Today is the last day in May.
Hence, I am calculating our income, outcome, and profit.
It's too difficult for me to do this.
And, this work always gives me lots of stress, but I have no choice.
That's because this is my part of our co-work business.
Comparing previous month, our profit was decreased somewhat.
Basically, I am not worried about this.
Of course, I am concerned about Dr.MJ's emotion.
Maybe, he will get mad so easily tomorrow.
Also, he may want some staff to leave our clinic, to increase our profit.
For me, the profit for a short period does not matter.
Instead, I think that inspiring our clinic is more important.
Meanwhile, the missile event turned out that it wasn't serious.
Perhaps, north Korea needs more money to keep their kingdom.
If the war break, I will try to move our family to southest city like Wan-do.
And, I will join the war to save many patients.
But, I am not sure I will have any choice.
I really hope that the war won't happen.
See you.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hello! Good evening, Dr. Kim!

This May was a blast! I have long lasting memories and some surprises. It started to rain and made all the pretty flowers fall in front of my house. Time is fleeting. We have to make the most out of it.

Meanwhile, after the scare you got today due to the false alarm, by now, you should have computed your monthly revenue and allocated the compensation to all of your staff. Dr. MJ may be unhappy about the outcome of May but if you try to study the trend of your clinic, it may be expected. Or, perhaps I am wrong about  that. Anyway, for Dr. MJ, every month needs outstanding profit and that really matters a lot. I wish you all well tomorrow as soon as he finds out about the numbers most especially the non-performing staff.

It is unimaginable if a war breaks in your country. Your grandparents have seen that before and it was devastating for both Koreas. In our present time, leaders like Vladimir Putin, Kim Jong Un, Xi Jinping, among many other leaders may have irrational judgements  and can begin a war if they wish. This is why choosing leaders is paramount to free countries. Nevertheless, the leaders mentioned  all belong to the Communist government, except Russia that has Federal.

We can only hope and pray that the war will never happen during our lifetime. We need to pay attention and stay vigilant regarding too much tension about borders and leader egos so we can stay prepared and know what our next step will be.

I am sure that you can use your English in case a war breaks because US American forces will be sent for reinforcement. I hope however, this day never comes.

Your correct setences frequency is excellent and your transition is very clear and crucial in understanding your points. Great job!

See you later.

-T. Donna~

Hi.
>> Correct!

How was your May?
>> Correct!

Today is the last day in May.
>> Today is the last day of May.

Hence, I am calculating our income, outcome, and profit.
>> Corect!

It's too difficult for me to do this.
>> Correct!

And, this work always gives me lots of stress, but I have no choice.
>> Correct!

That's because this is my part of our co-work business.
>> Correct!

Comparing previous month, our profit was decreased somewhat.
>> Comparing it to the previous month, our profit decreased somewhat.

Basically, I am not worried about this.
>> Correct!

Of course, I am concerned about Dr.MJ's emotion.
>> Correct! 
Or: Of course, I am concerned about Dr.MJ's emotions.

Maybe, he will get mad so easily tomorrow.
>> Correct!

Also, he may want some staff to leave our clinic, to increase our profit.
>> Correct!
Or: Also, he may want some staff to leave our clinic to increase our profit. (Remove the comma.)

For me, the profit for a short period does not matter.
>> Correct!

Instead, I think that inspiring our clinic is more important.
>> Correct!

Meanwhile, the missile event turned out that it wasn't serious.
>> Correct!

Perhaps, north Korea needs more money to keep their kingdom.
>> Correct!
Or: Perhaps, North Korea needs more money to keep their kingdom.

If the war break, I will try to move our family to southest city like Wan-do.
>> If the war breaks, I will try to move our family to a southest city like Wan-do.

And, I will join the war to save many patients.
>> Correct!

But, I am not sure I will have any choice.
>> But, I am not sure if I will have any choice.

I really hope that the war won't happen.
>> Correct!

See you.
>> Correct!
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