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영작교정 게시판

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What do you think is the most dangerous sport?

작성자: 이*지
2023-06-02 1600

회원님의 영작문

I think 'snow board' is the most dangerous sport.
Because I saw so many case that snow board accidents.
I had been ride a snow board last winter.
It was so fun and exciting but also dangerous.
Because that sport is climb the high mountain and ride down the high slope just wear a helmet.
And it's too fast and slippery. So I fell down too many times.
It's very big impact to my body like car accident.
So it was too painful.

In reality, in my case, When my friends were go to ride the snow board.
And one of my friend was seriously fell down the ice.
He smashed his head on the icy road. So he fainted.
My friend were surprised and tried to awake him.
A few moments later, he woke up and said like this 'Oh where is it? and ... who are you? '
He lost his memories temporarily, and all of my friend were paniced.
Fortunatly, he memories came back.
But if he had a serious injury or his memories didn't come back, it could be an unfortunate accident.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Good day, Yunji!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille

I think 'snow board' is the most dangerous sport.
>> I think 'snow boarding' is the most dangerous sport.
Because I saw so many case that snow board accidents.
>> That's because I have seen  so many snow boarding accidents.
I had been ride a snow board last winter.
>> I did snow boarding last winter.
It was so fun and exciting but also dangerous.
>> CORRECT! 
Because that sport is climb the high mountain and ride down the high slope just wear a helmet.
>> It's because that sport requires climbing the high mountain and riding down the high slope by just wearing a helmet.
And it's too fast and slippery. So I fell down too many times.
>> Because it's too fast and slippery, I fell down too many times.
OR >>  It's too fast and slippery, so I fell down too many times.
It's very big impact to my body like car accident.
>> It made a very big impact to my body like car accident.
So it was too painful.
>> CORRECT! 
In reality, in my case, When my friends were go to ride the snow board.
And one of my friend was seriously fell down the ice.
>> In reality, in my case, when my friends went snow boarding, one of my friends seriously fell down the ice.
He smashed his head on the icy road. So he fainted.
>> He hit his head on the icy road, so he fainted.
My friend were surprised and tried to awake him.
>> My friend was surprised and tried to wake him up.
A few moments later, he woke up and said like this 'Oh where is it? and ... who are you? '
>> CORRECT! 
He lost his memories temporarily, and all of my friend were paniced.
>> He lost his memories temporarily, and all of my friends panicked.
Fortunatly, he memories came back.
>> Fortunately, his memories came back.
But if he had a serious injury or his memories didn't come back, it could be an unfortunate accident.
>> CORRECT! 

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