¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What could be your advice for people who are suffering from insomnia?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*°æ
2023-06-07 2226

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Above all, people suffering from insomnia need to see a doctor for professional medical treatment. It could take psychiatric treatment to get well. On top of medical treatment, personally, we need to try to keep us peaceful and happy all the time because worries or stress is one of the reasons to keep us alert at late night.
Speaking of dealing with stress or worries, I have dealt with them in faith in God. The reason why I can sleep well even in deep water is ascribed to my faith in God. So if those in insomnia are non-Christians, I want to let them know how to respond it.
It is so heartbreaking to have more mental diseases including insomnia as time goes by. We need to improve this highly competitive society. If we don't do that, there could be more people suffering from new diseases besides insomnia. We also need to put our heads together and approach this issue to tackle down holistically and across the board.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Steve!
Your answers were outstanding. Your personality can be seen on your writing.
Great job!
~ T. Demi ^^
Above all, people suffering from insomnia need to see a doctor for professional medical treatment. 
CORRECT!
It could take psychiatric treatment to get well. 
CORRECT!
OR>> Psychiatric treatment could cure it.
On top of medical treatment, personally, we need to try to keep us peaceful and happy all the time because worries or stress is one of the reasons to keep us alert at late night.
>> On top of medical treatment, personally, we need to try to keep ourselves peaceful and happy all the time because worries or stress is one of the reasons to keep us alert late at night.
Speaking of dealing with stress or worries, I have dealt with them in faith in God. 
>> Speaking of dealing with stress or worries, I have dealt with them through faith in God. 
The reason why I can sleep well even in deep water is ascribed to my faith in God. 
CORRECT!
So if those in insomnia are non-Christians, I want to let them know how to respond it.
>> So if those in insomnia are non-Christians, I want to inform them how to deal with it.
It is so heartbreaking to have more mental diseases including insomnia as time goes by. 
CORRECT!
We need to improve this highly competitive society. 
CORRECT!
If we don't do that, there could be more people suffering from new diseases besides insomnia. 
>> If we don't do that, there could be more people suffering from new disorders besides insomnia. 
We also need to put our heads together and approach this issue to tackle down holistically and across the board.
>> We also need to put our heads together and approach this issue to tackle it holistically.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
130723 ESSAY ±Ç*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-04 2
130722 Did you have any interactions with the attendees that stood out... ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-09-04 1
130721 9/1 homework À±*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-09-04 2257
130720 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-09-04 2183
130719 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-09-03 3601
130718 homwork Àå*¼® ¿Ï·á 2023-09-03 2498
130717 homework-230901 ¾ç*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2023-09-03 1
130716 How do you choose where to go? Are you inspired by other... Á¶*Áö ¿Ï·á 2023-09-03 0
130715 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-03 3
130714 Promoting ¼º*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-03 2889
130713 Hi, Diviana °­*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-03 1
130712 homwork Á¶*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-03 2476
130711 homwork Á¶*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-03 2711
130710 homework ¾È*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-03 2181
130709 Do you want to change anything on your appearance? ±¸*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-09-03 3014
130708 How similar or different are you from your siblings? ±¸*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-09-03 2701
130707 Are you always friendly? ±¸*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-09-03 2596
130706 How is language barrier a problem in your productivity at work? ¼Û*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-03 2469
130705 Today\'s homework ÀÌ*µµ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-02 2877
130704 Can you describe your current job? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-09-02 3465

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04