¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What could be your advice for people who are suffering from insomnia?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*°æ
2023-06-07 2282

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Above all, people suffering from insomnia need to see a doctor for professional medical treatment. It could take psychiatric treatment to get well. On top of medical treatment, personally, we need to try to keep us peaceful and happy all the time because worries or stress is one of the reasons to keep us alert at late night.
Speaking of dealing with stress or worries, I have dealt with them in faith in God. The reason why I can sleep well even in deep water is ascribed to my faith in God. So if those in insomnia are non-Christians, I want to let them know how to respond it.
It is so heartbreaking to have more mental diseases including insomnia as time goes by. We need to improve this highly competitive society. If we don't do that, there could be more people suffering from new diseases besides insomnia. We also need to put our heads together and approach this issue to tackle down holistically and across the board.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Steve!
Your answers were outstanding. Your personality can be seen on your writing.
Great job!
~ T. Demi ^^
Above all, people suffering from insomnia need to see a doctor for professional medical treatment. 
CORRECT!
It could take psychiatric treatment to get well. 
CORRECT!
OR>> Psychiatric treatment could cure it.
On top of medical treatment, personally, we need to try to keep us peaceful and happy all the time because worries or stress is one of the reasons to keep us alert at late night.
>> On top of medical treatment, personally, we need to try to keep ourselves peaceful and happy all the time because worries or stress is one of the reasons to keep us alert late at night.
Speaking of dealing with stress or worries, I have dealt with them in faith in God. 
>> Speaking of dealing with stress or worries, I have dealt with them through faith in God. 
The reason why I can sleep well even in deep water is ascribed to my faith in God. 
CORRECT!
So if those in insomnia are non-Christians, I want to let them know how to respond it.
>> So if those in insomnia are non-Christians, I want to inform them how to deal with it.
It is so heartbreaking to have more mental diseases including insomnia as time goes by. 
CORRECT!
We need to improve this highly competitive society. 
CORRECT!
If we don't do that, there could be more people suffering from new diseases besides insomnia. 
>> If we don't do that, there could be more people suffering from new disorders besides insomnia. 
We also need to put our heads together and approach this issue to tackle down holistically and across the board.
>> We also need to put our heads together and approach this issue to tackle it holistically.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
128732 I am a angry bird ±è*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-08 1
128731 Writing Task 0607 À¯*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-08 2
128730 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-08 1
128729 What advice can you give to people who are depressed? Do you... ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-08 1435
128728 How do you know when to stop eating? Is it easy to eat too much? ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2023-06-08 1494
128727 Homework ¿À*ºó ¿Ï·á 2023-06-08 0
128726 how weekend makes my feel ÃÖ*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-08 2119
128725 online ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-08 2693
128724 Homework ½Å*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-08 2100
128723 Homework ÀÌ*Áø ¿Ï·á 2023-06-08 2365
128722 What kind of restaurants do you like? ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-08 2055
128721 homework ½Å*ÈÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-08 2584
128720 homework °ø*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-06-08 3613
128719 How can someone spot romance scammers? ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-06-07 6
128718 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-06-07 2283
128717 Do you always make sure that you are prepared when natural... ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-07 2
128716 homework 06.07 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-06-07 3136
128715 My favorite day ¼Û*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-06-07 2378
128714 What is your favorite movie and why? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-06-07 1658
128713 homework ¾È*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-07 2626

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04