¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you think that using social media to prevent dementia can have repercussions in the long run?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*¾Æ
2023-06-20 2052

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I believe, using social media to prevent dementia can have repercussions in the long run. There is a phrase, a penny saved is a penny earned. Well, preventing dementia by using social media will not quickly show positive consequences. However, as the phrase said, even if it's just a small thing, it will bring a huge result in the end. Social media becomes the best method for anything, even if it seems impossible. In other words, social media has used for even treat people. Also, for diseases that relate to brain function, I believe social media is the best option since it provides applications that can help to practice speaking, reading, listening, and writing, which is the essential and basic way to prevent the diseases, such as dementia, Alzheimer, etc.

(Well, Ms. Harmony. I don't have any idea about this topic... I tried my best...!)

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

What I like about this essay is that even if you did not tell me a lot, it remained informative and relevant to the topic at hand.  You made sure to elaborate as well in order to persuade your reader. Great job! See you in class tonight. 
~T.Harmony <3

I believe, using social media to prevent dementia can have repercussions in the long run. 
>> CORRECT!
There is a phrase, a penny saved is a penny earned. 
>> CORRECT!
Well, preventing dementia by using social media will not quickly show positive consequences. 
>> CORRECT!
OR>> ...will not immediately show positive results.
However, as the phrase said, even if it's just a small thing, it will bring a huge result in the end. 
>> CORRECT!
Social media becomes the best method for anything, even if it seems impossible. 
>> Social media has become the best method...
In other words, social media has used for even treat people. 
>> ...has been used for treatment of people.
Also, for diseases that relate to brain function, I believe social media is the best option since it provides applications that can help to practice speaking, reading, listening, and writing, which is the essential and basic way to prevent the diseases, such as dementia, Alzheimer, etc.
>> CORRECT!

( Thank you for still doing your best, Su A. (¡Ü'◡'¡Ü) )
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
129696 WRITING TASK: What will happen to a person who cannot adapt to a... ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2023-07-21 3
129695 If you had to live in another country (for always) where would... Á¶*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-07-21 1
129694 How do you keep your body strong and healthy? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-07-21 2995
129693 Homework ÀÌ*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-21 4595
129692 Shopping bag! ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-07-21 4152
129691 Today\'s homework ÀÌ*µµ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-21 5002
129690 unit 16. deadline °ø*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-07-21 2709
129689 Thank you ¿ì*Áø ¿Ï·á 2023-07-21 3
129688 Homework for 07/13 ¹æ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-21 3
129687 Is there a food that you will never eat? ¾ç*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-21 5761
129686 What is gender divide? Do you agree that providing parking... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-21 4262
129685 7/19 homework °­*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-21 2
129684 Homework Á¶*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-21 6077
129683 Day8 ½Å*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-07-21 1
129682 Day9 ½Å*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-07-21 2
129681 Day8 ½Å*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-07-21 1
129680 Homework for 07/19 ¹æ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-21 1
129679 fake desire ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-21 5984
129678 To learn another language ÃÖ*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-21 4469
129677 My bucket list ÃÖ*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-21 4367

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04