¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

6/20 Wiriting Task

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*Àç
2023-06-21 2503

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Q: Do you think it's right that animals are kept in zoos or not?
A:
I think it is not right! The meaning of keeping animals in zoos is close to human's joy.
When people make a documentary about ecosystem, they don't touch anything that weak aninmals are attacked by predator. Likewise we should keep respect animal as a part of ecosystem. Although there are some advantages such as protecting endagnered species and saving some animals that need to help.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Thank you very much for submitting your answer, Rachel!  It's nice to see your writing skills in English as well. I can understand the message you want to tell me, there are just some grammatical parts that we need to fix.  However, I still encourage you to continue writing answers for your homework, so you can also familiarize yourself and get used to writing in English.  This will be the perfect practice for you~ Well done! (^・¥ø・^ )
~T.Harmony <3

I think it is not right! 
>> CORRECT!
The meaning of keeping animals in zoos is close to human's joy.
>> The meaning of keeping animals in zoos is to provide joy to humans.
When people make a documentary about ecosystem, they don't touch anything that weak aninmals are attacked by predator. 
>> ...,they don't touch anything that might cause weak animals to be attacked by a predator.
Likewise we should keep respect animal as a part of ecosystem. 
>> Likewise, we should keep respecting animals as part of the ecosystem.
Although there are some advantages such as protecting endagnered species and saving some animals that need to help.
>> ...protecting endangered species...
(For this one, I just corrected your spelling of "endangered" ^^)
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
130789 Home work ±è*¶õ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-05 1
130788 homework ¾È*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-05 3947
130787 homework 09.05 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-09-05 3089
130786 Would you rather be able to teleport or read minds? ¼Û*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-09-05 3850
130785 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-05 9
130784 What thing will you always carry in your bag? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-09-05 3566
130783 What risks are you willing to take to reach your dreams? ¹Ú*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-09-05 2644
130782 Homework ±è*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-05 3983
130781 Why are some people more intelligent than others? ¿¡*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-09-05 5
130780 Where do you prefer living in, the city or the countryside, why? Á¶*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-09-05 2
130779 How do you handle conflicts or disagreements within your... Á¶*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-09-05 1
130778 What are the good and bad things about traveling? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-09-05 2933
130777 HOMEWORK: Please write a short paragraph about \"What I want to... ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2023-09-05 2
130776 Homework- 230905 PART1 ¾ç*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2023-09-05 3
130775 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-09-05 3664
130774 Homework ±è* ¿Ï·á 2023-09-05 1
130773 Homework JA*UNG CHUNG ¿Ï·á 2023-09-05 2927
130772 HOMEWORK: Writing Exercise: How do you manage your workweek and... ¼­*ÅÃ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-05 3962
130771 HOMEWORK: Writing Exercise: Would you rather live in a house or... ¼­*ÅÃ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-05 3405
130770 3 ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2023-09-05 3241

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04