¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

6/20 Wiriting Task

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*Àç
2023-06-21 2265

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Q: Do you think it's right that animals are kept in zoos or not?
A:
I think it is not right! The meaning of keeping animals in zoos is close to human's joy.
When people make a documentary about ecosystem, they don't touch anything that weak aninmals are attacked by predator. Likewise we should keep respect animal as a part of ecosystem. Although there are some advantages such as protecting endagnered species and saving some animals that need to help.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Thank you very much for submitting your answer, Rachel!  It's nice to see your writing skills in English as well. I can understand the message you want to tell me, there are just some grammatical parts that we need to fix.  However, I still encourage you to continue writing answers for your homework, so you can also familiarize yourself and get used to writing in English.  This will be the perfect practice for you~ Well done! (^・¥ø・^ )
~T.Harmony <3

I think it is not right! 
>> CORRECT!
The meaning of keeping animals in zoos is close to human's joy.
>> The meaning of keeping animals in zoos is to provide joy to humans.
When people make a documentary about ecosystem, they don't touch anything that weak aninmals are attacked by predator. 
>> ...,they don't touch anything that might cause weak animals to be attacked by a predator.
Likewise we should keep respect animal as a part of ecosystem. 
>> Likewise, we should keep respecting animals as part of the ecosystem.
Although there are some advantages such as protecting endagnered species and saving some animals that need to help.
>> ...protecting endangered species...
(For this one, I just corrected your spelling of "endangered" ^^)
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
128620 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-06-02 1
128619 What do you think about taking a nap? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-02 3134
128618 Which among your goals have you already achieved? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-02 1981
128617 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-06-02 1
128616 How could art be appreciated and enjoyed by more people? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-02 2552
128615 Why do many people from different parts of the world want to... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-02 2495
128614 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-06-02 0
128613 Homework for 06/01 ¹æ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-02 2203
128612 Homework for 06/02 ¹æ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-02 1707
128611 Homework ½Å*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-02 3345
128610 What do you think is the most dangerous sport? ÀÌ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2023-06-02 1937
128609 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-02 1
128608 Fantastic Jeju island ÃÖ*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-02 1748
128607 Physical communication or verbal communication: which is... ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-06-02 1
128606 Homework ¿À*ºó ¿Ï·á 2023-06-02 2
128605 Myhomework Àü*¼± ¿Ï·á 2023-06-01 2347
128604 Thinking of house ÃÖ*¼ø ¿Ï·á 2023-06-01 1
128603 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-06-01 2274
128602 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-06-01 0
128601 homework 06.01 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-06-01 3027

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04