¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What kind of second job do you want to have?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¹Ú*°æ
2023-06-26 3657

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Well, before mentioning about the second job, I'd like to comment about reality that I have to work harder than Korea.
In the US, it is quite common to have second job because, there are many companies that they have small times to work, so it would be possible to work more. It is impossible to imagine to find a second job in Korea since working time is already enough for employees.
Anyway, I want to get a second job another dialysis unit. In order to adjust in America's working places quickly, I'd like to find another one as much as possible. Besides, I heard about school nurse that is having short time working hours such as 7-8 hours. So, if given a chance, I want to try those fields. Therefore, finally, I want to live stably in the US in the near future.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello there again, Jane!

I agree with you. The primary reason most people get a second job in America is to earn extra income. Just avoid being burnt out and always find time for your family.

As you can see below on your sentences, attempting to create longer sentences is very good. It can test your ability to combine simple and complex sentences altogether. The disadvantage is committing probable mistakes but without trying, you won't be able to make longer ones in the future. Hence, the goal is to make long and correct sentences. 

Nevertheless, you had many correct sentences as well. I appreciate the extent of your details and discussions here on your answer. 

Read the comments and suggestion carefully then. Excellent composition!

See you!

-T. Donna~

Well, before mentioning about the second job, I'd like to comment about reality that I have to work harder than Korea.
>> Well, before mentioning about the second job, I'd like to comment about the reality that I have to work harder than Korea.

In the US, it is quite common to have second job because, there are many companies that they have small times to work, so it would be possible to work more. 
>> In the US, it is quite common to have a second job because, there are many companies that have limited time to work, so it would be possible to work more. 

It is impossible to imagine to find a second job in Korea since working time is already enough for employees.
>> Correct!

Anyway, I want to get a second job another dialysis unit.
>>  Anyway, I want to get a second job from another dialysis unit.

In order to adjust in America's working places quickly, I'd like to find another one as much as possible. 
>> Correct!

Besides, I heard about school nurse that is having short time working hours such as 7-8 hours. 
>> Besides, I heard about a school nurse that is having short time working hours such as 7-8 hours. 

So, if given a chance, I want to try those fields. 
>> Correct!

Therefore, finally, I want to live stably in the US in the near future.
>> Correct!
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
129387 What did you enjoy doing as a child? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-07-08 3180
129386 sleepwalking ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-08 0
129385 Homework 7/3 ±è*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-08 1
129384 Home work ±è* ¿Ï·á 2023-07-07 1
129383 Why do some cultures mourn death and others celebrate it? ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-07-07 2
129382 james Á¶* ¿Ï·á 2023-07-07 2513
129381 homework ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-07-07 2401
129380 What do you do or eat you feel sleepy when studying? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-07-07 3335
129379 Korean coffee shops ±è*¸² ¿Ï·á 2023-07-07 2468
129378 Today\'s my homework ÀÌ*µµ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-07 2712
129377 What is my favorite food? ÀÌ*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-07 3689
129376 Do you think historical movies are important to be watched? Why? ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2023-07-07 1
129375 Should a person get plastic surgery to make themselves have a... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-07-07 4038
129374 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-07-07 0
129373 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-07-07 3040
129372 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-07-07 0
129371 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-07-07 0
129370 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-07-07 0
129369 HOMEWORK FOR 05/15 Á¶*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-07 1
129368 WRITING TASK: What would you like to share about Korea that most... ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2023-07-07 4

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04