¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What kind of second job do you want to have?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¹Ú*°æ
2023-06-26 4465

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Well, before mentioning about the second job, I'd like to comment about reality that I have to work harder than Korea.
In the US, it is quite common to have second job because, there are many companies that they have small times to work, so it would be possible to work more. It is impossible to imagine to find a second job in Korea since working time is already enough for employees.
Anyway, I want to get a second job another dialysis unit. In order to adjust in America's working places quickly, I'd like to find another one as much as possible. Besides, I heard about school nurse that is having short time working hours such as 7-8 hours. So, if given a chance, I want to try those fields. Therefore, finally, I want to live stably in the US in the near future.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello there again, Jane!

I agree with you. The primary reason most people get a second job in America is to earn extra income. Just avoid being burnt out and always find time for your family.

As you can see below on your sentences, attempting to create longer sentences is very good. It can test your ability to combine simple and complex sentences altogether. The disadvantage is committing probable mistakes but without trying, you won't be able to make longer ones in the future. Hence, the goal is to make long and correct sentences. 

Nevertheless, you had many correct sentences as well. I appreciate the extent of your details and discussions here on your answer. 

Read the comments and suggestion carefully then. Excellent composition!

See you!

-T. Donna~

Well, before mentioning about the second job, I'd like to comment about reality that I have to work harder than Korea.
>> Well, before mentioning about the second job, I'd like to comment about the reality that I have to work harder than Korea.

In the US, it is quite common to have second job because, there are many companies that they have small times to work, so it would be possible to work more. 
>> In the US, it is quite common to have a second job because, there are many companies that have limited time to work, so it would be possible to work more. 

It is impossible to imagine to find a second job in Korea since working time is already enough for employees.
>> Correct!

Anyway, I want to get a second job another dialysis unit.
>>  Anyway, I want to get a second job from another dialysis unit.

In order to adjust in America's working places quickly, I'd like to find another one as much as possible. 
>> Correct!

Besides, I heard about school nurse that is having short time working hours such as 7-8 hours. 
>> Besides, I heard about a school nurse that is having short time working hours such as 7-8 hours. 

So, if given a chance, I want to try those fields. 
>> Correct!

Therefore, finally, I want to live stably in the US in the near future.
>> Correct!
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
130183 What food from another country would you like to try when given... ¹Ú*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-08-14 4248
130182 8/4 homework °­*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-14 0
130181 08.11 H.W What are the customary greetings and behaviors for... ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-14 2929
130180 WRITING TASK: How can having frequent internet problems affect... ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2023-08-14 2
130179 What is the implication of having an aging population? ¹Ý* ¿Ï·á 2023-08-14 3918
130178 How often do you feel afraid? ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-14 1
130177 Behavior is someone\'s life ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-08-14 0
130176 which among your goals have you already achieved? ±è*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-14 0
130175 Have you ever eaten in a restaurant alone? If not, would you... Á¶*Áö ¿Ï·á 2023-08-14 1
130174 Envy and jealousy È«*±â ¿Ï·á 2023-08-14 3657
130173 What are some types of physical activities that people can do... ÀÌ*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-14 3336
130172 Why is regular exercise important for maintaining a healthy... ÀÌ*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-14 3708
130171 homwork ¹Ú*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-14 2
130170 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-08-14 4652
130169 08-13 homework ±è*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-13 1
130168 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-08-13 3386
130167 08-13 homework ±è*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-13 3
130166 homework Á¶*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-13 5008
130165 What do you think should people do if there\'s a typhoon coming? °­*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-13 4389
130164 Worst vice ÃÖ*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-13 5153

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04