¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What kind of second job do you want to have?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¹Ú*°æ
2023-06-26 3939

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Well, before mentioning about the second job, I'd like to comment about reality that I have to work harder than Korea.
In the US, it is quite common to have second job because, there are many companies that they have small times to work, so it would be possible to work more. It is impossible to imagine to find a second job in Korea since working time is already enough for employees.
Anyway, I want to get a second job another dialysis unit. In order to adjust in America's working places quickly, I'd like to find another one as much as possible. Besides, I heard about school nurse that is having short time working hours such as 7-8 hours. So, if given a chance, I want to try those fields. Therefore, finally, I want to live stably in the US in the near future.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello there again, Jane!

I agree with you. The primary reason most people get a second job in America is to earn extra income. Just avoid being burnt out and always find time for your family.

As you can see below on your sentences, attempting to create longer sentences is very good. It can test your ability to combine simple and complex sentences altogether. The disadvantage is committing probable mistakes but without trying, you won't be able to make longer ones in the future. Hence, the goal is to make long and correct sentences. 

Nevertheless, you had many correct sentences as well. I appreciate the extent of your details and discussions here on your answer. 

Read the comments and suggestion carefully then. Excellent composition!

See you!

-T. Donna~

Well, before mentioning about the second job, I'd like to comment about reality that I have to work harder than Korea.
>> Well, before mentioning about the second job, I'd like to comment about the reality that I have to work harder than Korea.

In the US, it is quite common to have second job because, there are many companies that they have small times to work, so it would be possible to work more. 
>> In the US, it is quite common to have a second job because, there are many companies that have limited time to work, so it would be possible to work more. 

It is impossible to imagine to find a second job in Korea since working time is already enough for employees.
>> Correct!

Anyway, I want to get a second job another dialysis unit.
>>  Anyway, I want to get a second job from another dialysis unit.

In order to adjust in America's working places quickly, I'd like to find another one as much as possible. 
>> Correct!

Besides, I heard about school nurse that is having short time working hours such as 7-8 hours. 
>> Besides, I heard about a school nurse that is having short time working hours such as 7-8 hours. 

So, if given a chance, I want to try those fields. 
>> Correct!

Therefore, finally, I want to live stably in the US in the near future.
>> Correct!
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
128453 What are the advantages and disadvantages of the popularity of... ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2023-05-25 1659
128452 Thursday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-05-25 2519
128451 Do you think you are good at adapting to new changes? ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2023-05-25 2278
128450 Greeting kind that annoys me ÀÌ*Áø ¿Ï·á 2023-05-25 2223
128449 Send a written output about your part-time job in a few... ÀÓ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-05-25 2
128448 Traveling alone ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-25 1745
128447 5/25 homework ÃÖ*º½ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-25 2556
128446 The characteristics of territory ¼º*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-25 1595
128445 Homework ½Å*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-25 2306
128444 Homework ¹Ú*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-25 2265
128443 An effect of advertisement is great. ÀÌ*¿õ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-25 1
128442 What are the causes and effects of poverty? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-05-25 1
128441 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-05-24 1398
128440 What other food would you like to try? ¹è*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-24 1455
128439 homework 05.24 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-05-24 1720
128438 Myhomework Àü*¼± ¿Ï·á 2023-05-24 1799
128437 Homework ¼Û*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-05-24 1874
128436 In your opinion, is it hard to look for a venue? ±¸*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-05-24 1
128435 My favorite animation character ¼Û*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-05-24 1591
128434 Question ¿À*º½ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-24 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04