¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What kind of second job do you want to have?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¹Ú*°æ
2023-06-26 4311

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Well, before mentioning about the second job, I'd like to comment about reality that I have to work harder than Korea.
In the US, it is quite common to have second job because, there are many companies that they have small times to work, so it would be possible to work more. It is impossible to imagine to find a second job in Korea since working time is already enough for employees.
Anyway, I want to get a second job another dialysis unit. In order to adjust in America's working places quickly, I'd like to find another one as much as possible. Besides, I heard about school nurse that is having short time working hours such as 7-8 hours. So, if given a chance, I want to try those fields. Therefore, finally, I want to live stably in the US in the near future.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello there again, Jane!

I agree with you. The primary reason most people get a second job in America is to earn extra income. Just avoid being burnt out and always find time for your family.

As you can see below on your sentences, attempting to create longer sentences is very good. It can test your ability to combine simple and complex sentences altogether. The disadvantage is committing probable mistakes but without trying, you won't be able to make longer ones in the future. Hence, the goal is to make long and correct sentences. 

Nevertheless, you had many correct sentences as well. I appreciate the extent of your details and discussions here on your answer. 

Read the comments and suggestion carefully then. Excellent composition!

See you!

-T. Donna~

Well, before mentioning about the second job, I'd like to comment about reality that I have to work harder than Korea.
>> Well, before mentioning about the second job, I'd like to comment about the reality that I have to work harder than Korea.

In the US, it is quite common to have second job because, there are many companies that they have small times to work, so it would be possible to work more. 
>> In the US, it is quite common to have a second job because, there are many companies that have limited time to work, so it would be possible to work more. 

It is impossible to imagine to find a second job in Korea since working time is already enough for employees.
>> Correct!

Anyway, I want to get a second job another dialysis unit.
>>  Anyway, I want to get a second job from another dialysis unit.

In order to adjust in America's working places quickly, I'd like to find another one as much as possible. 
>> Correct!

Besides, I heard about school nurse that is having short time working hours such as 7-8 hours. 
>> Besides, I heard about a school nurse that is having short time working hours such as 7-8 hours. 

So, if given a chance, I want to try those fields. 
>> Correct!

Therefore, finally, I want to live stably in the US in the near future.
>> Correct!
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
128423 Answer : Do you wish you worked in a different company? Why or... Á¤*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-24 2335
128422 Homework ½Å*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-24 2775
128421 The most dangerous disease ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-24 2842
128420 May. 24 ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-24 1707
128419 Writing task ¾È*Çü ¿Ï·á 2023-05-24 2556
128418 Homowork ¹Ú*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-24 2579
128417 Do you think that the education system is changing? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-05-24 1
128416 We can\'t tame a wild animal as a pet. ÀÌ*¿õ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-24 1
128415 homework 05.23 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-05-23 2631
128414 neighbor ÀÓ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-05-23 1
128413 World of Gossip ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-05-23 1505
128412 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-05-23 1
128411 Write about your favorite part of the movie The Super Mario... ¿À*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-23 1
128410 Why do people love junk food? ±¸*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-05-23 2148
128409 talk about the meal you last ate or had. Use as many adjectives... ¹é*Áø ¿Ï·á 2023-05-23 2146
128408 Mary Kay Ash said: \"People are definitely a company¡¯s greatest... ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-05-23 5
128407 Describe the most confident person you know ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-23 2098
128406 The gift that I want to receive on my birthday ¼Û*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-05-23 2285
128405 What is your favorite cartoon character and why? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-05-23 1912
128404 Homework ±è*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-23 2373

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04