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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

homework 06.26

작성자: 최*�
2023-06-26 3149

회원님의 영작문

~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
What are the benefits of collecting?


One of them benefits of collecting is pleasure.
It's feel the joy of collecting items one by one.
The reason why I collect shoes. It was value of the shoes.
At that time, it was not easy to collect limited edition shoes.
First way is waiting in front of the store a few hours or even days.
The reason why lining up is sell the shoes only a first come, first served.
Second way is apply a draw and win.
This ways is have a too many rival, so it's hard to win
Anyway, this ways I used to collected item.
These shoes have a high price.
But, these days it's less value and easier to get than before.
So, I lost interest. Namely, I feel lost benefits of collecting.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Good day, Keon!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille


~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
What are the benefits of collecting?



One of them benefits of collecting is pleasure.
>> CORRECT!
It's feel the joy of collecting items one by one.
>> It makes you feel the joy of collecting items one by one.
The reason why I collect shoes. It was value of the shoes.
>> The reason why I collected shoes was because of its value.
At that time, it was not easy to collect limited edition shoes.
>> CORRECT!
First way is waiting in front of the store a few hours or even days.
>> CORRECT!
The reason why lining up is sell the shoes only a first come, first served.
>> The reason why we have to line up is because they sell the shoes only on a "first come, first served" basis.
Second way is apply a draw and win.
>> Second way is to apply a raffle draw and win.
This ways is have a too many rival, so it's hard to win
>> In this way you would have so many rivals, so it's hard to win.
Anyway, this ways I used to collected item.
>>  Anyway, these are the ways I used to collected items.
These shoes have a high price.
>> CORRECT!
OR >> These shoes are actually expensive.
But, these days it's less value and easier to get than before.
>> But, these days, its value has decreased, and is easier to get than before.
So, I lost interest. 
>> CORRECT!
OR >> I lost interest because of it.
Namely, I feel lost benefits of collecting.
>>  I feel like there aren't any benefits of collecting anything these days.

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