¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Jake\'s wirting homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: °­*ÀÌ
2023-07-18 3692

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I agree with that, because if you want to enjoy something, you should practice hard for it. Also, there are lots of proverbs that relate to this. Ex: No pain No gain or Dream is not easy. Many famous people always say that they worked very hard to get to this position. So, we can know that if we want to achieve our goal, we should work really hard.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there Jake! This was a good start for your writing however, I'd like to inform you that IELTS Writing Task 2 requires 250 words!  Nevertheless, you should practice writing longer next time. Have a goodnight!
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
I agree with that, because if you want to enjoy something, you should practice hard for it.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
OR>>> I agree with the statement because if you want to enjoy something, you should practice hardly. 
 Also, there are lots of proverbs that relate to this. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
OR>>> Moreover, there are proverbs which are related to this. 
Ex: No pain No gain or Dreams are not easy.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 Many famous people always say that they worked very hard to get to this position. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
OR>> Many famous people always quote that they strived hard to get to their position. 
So, we can know that if we want to achieve our goal, we should work really hard.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
OR>> So, we know that if we want to achieve our goal, we should work really hard.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
130277 Benefits of losing weights ÃÖ*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-17 3749
130276 What career opportunities are there for the younger generation... Á¶*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-08-17 3270
130275 What\'s a memory that makes you happy? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-08-17 3149
130274 Friend in need is indeed ¼º*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-17 3598
130273 Homework ¼Û*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-17 3441
130272 Homework ¼Û*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-17 2385
130271 homework Á¶*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-17 3211
130270 What is the first thing you notice about a person? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-08-17 2550
130269 homwork Á¶*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-17 4289
130268 Homework 7/21 ±è*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-17 0
130267 Homework 7/19 ±è*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-17 0
130266 Homework ±è*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-17 3061
130265 What is one of the most exciting jobs you can think of? How... ¾ö*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-17 2515
130264 Homework JA*UNG CHUNG ¿Ï·á 2023-08-17 2289
130263 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-08-17 3054
130262 office polices ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-17 2111
130261 What are some of your favorite memories from your life so far? ÀÌ*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-17 3240
130260 WRITING TASK: Why do you think some people like collecting? ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2023-08-17 2
130259 homework essay(2023. 8. 17.) ¼­*Àº ¿Ï·á 2023-08-17 1
130258 How would I feel if someone accepts my offer ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-17 2893

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04