¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

2023.7.20 homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*»è
2023-07-20 4024

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think the biggest issue in Korea is low birth rate.
Now the birth rate is 0.8 per family. So army and many small companys are suffering from manpower shortage. To resolve that problem, the government should expand benefits about childbirth. Another solution is improving about view of marrige.
Some young generation have negative viewpoint about marrige. Because marrige is difficult task in terms of cost and sacrifice. So many young generation like me think that marrige is just choice, not a duty.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good day, Isaac!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille


I think the biggest issue in Korea is low birth rate.
>> CORRECT!
Now the birth rate is 0.8 per family. 
>> CORRECT!
So army and many small companys are suffering from manpower shortage. 
>> So army and many small companies are suffering from manpower shortage. 
OR >> So army and many small companies suffer from manpower shortage.
To resolve that problem, the government should expand benefits about childbirth.
>> CORRECT!
Another solution is improving about view of marrige.
>> Another solution is improving the view about marriage.
Some young generation have negative viewpoint about marrige. 
>> Some young generation have negative viewpoint about marriage
Because marrige is difficult task in terms of cost and sacrifice. 
>> It is because marriage is a difficult task in terms of cost and sacrifice. 
OR >> It is because marriage is a difficult task in terms of finance and efforts. 
So many young generation like me think that marrige is just choice, not a duty.
>> So many young generation like me think that marriage is just choice, not a duty.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
130884 Would you rather go to the beach or the pamping? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-09-08 2797
130883 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-09-08 2300
130882 Homework ±è*¾ð ¿Ï·á 2023-09-08 3583
130881 Homework JA*UNG CHUNG ¿Ï·á 2023-09-08 1838
130880 What is the best time of the year to visit your hometown? Why? Á¶*Áö ¿Ï·á 2023-09-08 0
130879 Question - \'you guys\' in English È«*Ç¥ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-08 2570
130878 What other common disease is spread by mosquitoes in South Korea? ÀÌ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-08 62
130877 If i wrote a letter government, ·ù*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2023-09-08 4
130876 I movie that will never watch ·ù*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2023-09-08 2
130875 What\'s your dream weekend? Or what\'s your ideal weekend? ¿À*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-08 1
130874 abuse ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-08 2696
130873 5.Sep.2023 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-08 1
130872 What kind of videos do you usually watch on YouTube? ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-08 0
130871 230908 ¾ç*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2023-09-08 3
130870 homwork ¹Ú*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-08 1
130869 Homework °í*ö ¿Ï·á 2023-09-08 3203
130868 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-09-07 2746
130867 My English level test and class ÃÖ*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-07 2294
130866 What are the rather light topics you have with your friends yet... Á¶*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-09-07 1
130865 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-09-07 2250

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04