¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

2023.7.20 homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*»è
2023-07-20 4867

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think the biggest issue in Korea is low birth rate.
Now the birth rate is 0.8 per family. So army and many small companys are suffering from manpower shortage. To resolve that problem, the government should expand benefits about childbirth. Another solution is improving about view of marrige.
Some young generation have negative viewpoint about marrige. Because marrige is difficult task in terms of cost and sacrifice. So many young generation like me think that marrige is just choice, not a duty.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good day, Isaac!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille


I think the biggest issue in Korea is low birth rate.
>> CORRECT!
Now the birth rate is 0.8 per family. 
>> CORRECT!
So army and many small companys are suffering from manpower shortage. 
>> So army and many small companies are suffering from manpower shortage. 
OR >> So army and many small companies suffer from manpower shortage.
To resolve that problem, the government should expand benefits about childbirth.
>> CORRECT!
Another solution is improving about view of marrige.
>> Another solution is improving the view about marriage.
Some young generation have negative viewpoint about marrige. 
>> Some young generation have negative viewpoint about marriage
Because marrige is difficult task in terms of cost and sacrifice. 
>> It is because marriage is a difficult task in terms of cost and sacrifice. 
OR >> It is because marriage is a difficult task in terms of finance and efforts. 
So many young generation like me think that marrige is just choice, not a duty.
>> So many young generation like me think that marriage is just choice, not a duty.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
131544 Homework ±è* ¿Ï·á 2023-10-10 0
131543 What are the best and worst things about weddings? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-10-10 3704
131542 HOMEWORK- 231009 ¾ç*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2023-10-10 1
131541 HOMEWORK: Please write a short paragraph about ¡°My favorite... ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2023-10-10 2
131540 My schedule ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-10-10 4340
131539 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-10-10 3167
131538 awkward situation when i experienced talking on the phone ÀÌ*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-10-10 2
131537 homework ¼Õ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-10-10 3189
131536 decline offer ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-10-10 4610
131535 Do you think online meetings or conferences are better or worse?... ±è*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2023-10-10 1
131534 Why expensive restaurants have high price of food °­*À² ¿Ï·á 2023-10-10 1
131533 HOMEWORK ±è*Áö ¿Ï·á 2023-10-10 4413
131532 HOMEWORK ±è*Áö ¿Ï·á 2023-10-10 3674
131531 9.Oct.2023 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-10-10 1
131530 Homework ½Å*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-10-10 4863
131529 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-10-10 4241
131528 Do you think people should continue practicing their traditions... ¼Û*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2023-10-09 3952
131527 homework 10.09 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-10-09 5850
131526 where I want to fishing ÃÖ*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2023-10-09 5391
131525 My favorite emoji ¼Û*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-10-09 4831

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04