¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

I think sleep is a necessary factor for one of the human needs.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: À±*Çý
2023-07-28 5209

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think sleep is a necessary factor for one of the human needs.
Of course, each person has a different desire to think importantly, but I think the most representative needs such as sleep and appetite make a happy and enjoyable day.
Sleep makes my nerves less sharp, makes others understand, and makes me feel a good morning.
But I don't think it's good to satisfy too many needs because it makes me lazy.
In the end, desire is the role of spending today happily and generously, and I think falling into the comfort of that moment is an act that ruins me.
In other words, I don't think it's a waste of time if you don't sleep too much.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Da Hye,

Thank you for your fantastic homework! Your ideas about the importance of sleep and balancing our needs were great. I liked how you explained how sleep helps you feel good and calms your nerves. Your thoughts on not satisfying too many needs to avoid laziness were smart. Keep up the excellent work and keep sharing your wonderful ideas!

~Teacher Cathy


I think sleep is a necessary factor for one of the human needs.

>>CORRECT

OR>> I believe sleep is essential for humans.
Of course, each person has a different desire to think importantly, but I think the most representative needs such as sleep and appetite make a happy and enjoyable day.

>>Of course, each person has different desires, but I believe that the most essential needs, like sleep and appetite, lead to a happy and enjoyable day.  

Sleep makes my nerves less sharp, makes others understand, and makes me feel a good morning.

>>Sleep makes my nerves less sharp, helps others understand me, and makes me feel refreshed in the morning.
But I don't think it's good to satisfy too many needs because it makes me lazy.

>>CORRECT

OR>>However, I feel that satisfying too many needs may lead to laziness, so it's better to avoid it.
In the end, desire is the role of spending today happily and generously, and I think falling into the comfort of that moment is an act that ruins me.

>> In the end, desire plays a role in spending today happily and generously, but I believe indulging in the comfort of the moment can be harmful to me.
In other words, I don't think it's a waste of time if you don't sleep too much.

>>CORRECT

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
131262 To share my travel experience. ÃÖ*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-25 2502
131261 Prepared for the blind date ÃÖ*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-25 3472
131260 1. What were the consequences of forgetting that event, if any?... ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-09-24 1
131259 What happens to old people in your family? Do they live with... Á¶*Áö ¿Ï·á 2023-09-24 0
131258 Homework ±è* ¿Ï·á 2023-09-24 2
131257 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-09-24 0
131256 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-09-24 0
131255 Homework ½Å*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-24 2570
131254 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-09-24 0
131253 Latest trends in South Korea ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-09-24 2638
131252 What features and functions of a car do you need most? ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-24 1
131251 Do you think it\'s a good idea to study English Literature in... ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-24 1
131250 today\'s homework ÀÌ*µµ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-24 2538
131249 What was your best friendship? Are you still friends with him or... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-09-23 2390
131248 If your friend or family has committed a serious crime, how... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-09-23 2530
131247 What animal best represents you? Why? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-09-23 2775
131246 Why do you think that people still vote for the wife or... ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-09-22 1
131245 Homework Àü*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-22 0
131244 homework 09.22 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-09-22 3383
131243 What is your favorite video game? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-09-22 2958

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04