¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Worst vice

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÃÖ*ȯ
2023-08-13 5180

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think the worst vice is attacking other people. Violence is not allowed with any reasons. There are very serious situations happened in Korea. They try to kill strangers with the knife. We have to prevent that Violence and give heavy punishment.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello again, Thomas!

I absolutely agree. Attacking a person aside from self defense and war are unjustifiable and simply wrong. With the series of stabbing attacks in your country, the police may do something more than what they apparently practice.

Congratulations for getting all sentences almost all correctly! Your sentences are contain very good grammar structure. 

See you on the next homework!

-T. Donna~ 

I think the worst vice is attacking other people. 
>> Correct!

Violence is not allowed with any reasons. 
>> Correct!

There are very serious situations happened in Korea. 
>> There are very serious situations that happened in Korea. 

They try to kill strangers with the knife. 
>> Correct!

We have to prevent that Violence and give heavy punishment.
>> Correct!
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
131580 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2023-10-11 5
131579 Is going to academy/academies important? ÀÌ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-10-11 1
131578 HOMEWORK-231011 ¾ç*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2023-10-11 1
131577 What exotic food would you like to try? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-10-11 4168
131576 HOMEWORK: Please write a short paragraph about ¡°The most... ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2023-10-11 0
131575 Diary ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-10-11 0
131574 Homework ±è* ¿Ï·á 2023-10-11 4164
131573 homework ±è* ¿Ï·á 2023-10-11 5646
131572 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-10-11 4771
131571 homework_231011 ÇÑ*·Ï ¿Ï·á 2023-10-11 5078
131570 What happened during your conference? ±è*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2023-10-11 2
131569 homework ¾È*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-10-11 4342
131568 As an employee, what is your greatest memory? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2023-10-11 4783
131567 ¡°Is there really a big difference in going to a private school... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2023-10-11 5433
131566 What is the importance of education? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2023-10-11 4919
131565 What is success for you? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2023-10-11 3736
131564 Where do you usually have lunch at work? ÀÌ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-10-11 3770
131563 Second class home work ±è*Çý ¿Ï·á 2023-10-11 5353
131562 what usually keeps you busy? ÀÌ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-10-11 2
131561 my expectations from class Á¤*¾È ¿Ï·á 2023-10-11 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04