¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework 08.24

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÃÖ*Ç
2023-08-24 3310

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
What would you like to change about the education system of your country?

In Korea, all students have to study to take the Korea SAT, no matter they are interested or not in studying.
And they study hard to go better university.
But, I think the biggest problem is private education and public education.
Private education is a class in private academy except for schools.
Schools teachers don't teach students the basics.
So, most pupils have to per-learning through private education.
I have experienced it, too
I think this education system is wrong.
Because if I don't learning private education, I can't maintain grade(score).
In addition, students do not focus on school classes.
Because they are busy the academy homework.
So, I want to change this system problems.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good day, Keon!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille


~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
What would you like to change about the education system of your country?


In Korea, all students have to study to take the Korea SAT, no matter they are interested or not in studying.
>> In Korea, all students have to study to take the Korea SAT, no matter if they are interested or not in studying.
And they study hard to go better university.
>> And they study hard to go to a better university.
But, I think the biggest problem is private education and public education.
>> CORRECT!
Private education is a class in private academy except for schools.
>> CORRECT!
Schools teachers don't teach students the basics.
>> School teachers don't teach students the basics.
So, most pupils have to per-learning through private education.
>> So, most pupils have to undergo pre-learning through private education.
I have experienced it, too.
>> CORRECT!
I think this education system is wrong.
>> CORRECT!
Because if I don't learning private education, I can't maintain grade(score).
>> If I don't learn under private education, I can't maintain good grades (score).
In addition, students do not focus on school classes.
>> CORRECT!
Because they are busy the academy homework.
>> It's because they are busy with their academy homework.
So, I want to change this system problems.
>> So, I want to change this system's problem.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
129554 Do you find business meeting stressful? ±¸*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-07-15 1
129553 Homwork Á¶*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-15 4556
129552 Homwork Á¶*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-15 4312
129551 Today\'s homework ÀÌ*µµ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-15 4128
129550 What do you like doing during winter? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-07-15 4871
129549 What is your favorite place in Korea, and why? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-07-15 4337
129548 Is cancer a common disease in your country? If so, why do you... ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-15 2
129547 What\'s your thought on the way historical movies are made or... ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-07-14 2
129546 homework 07.14 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-07-14 3515
129545 The best place to rest in my home ¼Û*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-07-14 3583
129544 What is the scariest moive that you have seen? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-07-14 4404
129543 2023.7.14 homework ±è*»è ¿Ï·á 2023-07-14 5533
129542 Homework ÀÌ*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-14 4457
129541 HOMRWORK ¿¡*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-07-14 3
129540 I will be poor and happy. ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-07-14 3492
129539 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-14 0
129538 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-14 0
129537 What can you say about climate change? ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2023-07-14 0
129536 7.14.Fri Ȳ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-07-14 4203
129535 7.13.Thu Ȳ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-07-14 5139

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04