¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework 08.24

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÃÖ*Ç
2023-08-24 3401

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
What would you like to change about the education system of your country?

In Korea, all students have to study to take the Korea SAT, no matter they are interested or not in studying.
And they study hard to go better university.
But, I think the biggest problem is private education and public education.
Private education is a class in private academy except for schools.
Schools teachers don't teach students the basics.
So, most pupils have to per-learning through private education.
I have experienced it, too
I think this education system is wrong.
Because if I don't learning private education, I can't maintain grade(score).
In addition, students do not focus on school classes.
Because they are busy the academy homework.
So, I want to change this system problems.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good day, Keon!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille


~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
What would you like to change about the education system of your country?


In Korea, all students have to study to take the Korea SAT, no matter they are interested or not in studying.
>> In Korea, all students have to study to take the Korea SAT, no matter if they are interested or not in studying.
And they study hard to go better university.
>> And they study hard to go to a better university.
But, I think the biggest problem is private education and public education.
>> CORRECT!
Private education is a class in private academy except for schools.
>> CORRECT!
Schools teachers don't teach students the basics.
>> School teachers don't teach students the basics.
So, most pupils have to per-learning through private education.
>> So, most pupils have to undergo pre-learning through private education.
I have experienced it, too.
>> CORRECT!
I think this education system is wrong.
>> CORRECT!
Because if I don't learning private education, I can't maintain grade(score).
>> If I don't learn under private education, I can't maintain good grades (score).
In addition, students do not focus on school classes.
>> CORRECT!
Because they are busy the academy homework.
>> It's because they are busy with their academy homework.
So, I want to change this system problems.
>> So, I want to change this system's problem.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
129052 Why do many people from different parts of the world want to... ¹®*¿í ¿Ï·á 2023-06-25 2227
129051 What is your favorite color? Why? °­*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-25 2389
129050 Homework 6/23 ±è*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-25 2
129049 Who is the most inspiring athlete you know? Why? ¿À*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-25 2
129048 My favorite song ¼Û*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-06-24 2645
129047 the best place in my country ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-24 0
129046 Can an AI have compassion or a sense of justice? ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-06-24 5
129045 Make new friends! ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-06-24 3162
129044 Myhomework Àü*¼± ¿Ï·á 2023-06-23 3435
129043 homework 06.23 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-06-23 3526
129042 What fiecest animal that you seen? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-06-23 3909
129041 Computer is good or bad why? ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2023-06-23 2353
129040 homework ¾È*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-23 2977
129039 Shame and embarrassment. ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-06-23 4203
129038 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-23 0
129037 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-23 0
129036 Should a company hire people with tattoos? Why or why not? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-06-23 3942
129035 In your opinion, what has been the most significant... ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-06-23 2361
129034 What are the effects of pollution? ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2023-06-23 3
129033 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-06-23 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04