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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Homework

작성자: 김*우
2023-09-19 3502

회원님의 영작문

Hi.
I've been worried about your health more and more.
You are not such an old person, we just belong to fourties.
Make sure you try to recover your body and see doctors soon.
Money is crucial, but not as much as health.
You have a good energy to be able to influence to many people.
It is a special gift from God, so you have a responsiblity for that.
Stay healthy and happy always.
Anyway, God gave only a little patients to me this morning.
The profit was not bad though.
I think I don't want more money and more work.
Of course, I have no choice because of my debt now.
When I started my clinic alone, I failed to manage my staff many times.
Although I didn't mean to make a problem, whenever I listened to and sympathize a staff's word, many staff started conflicts.
One day, five staff resigned together, when there were only seven staff worked in the clinic.
It was a terrible time.
After many years, I've realized that I shouldn't have shared personal emotion in relationship with staff.
See

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Good evening, Dr. Kim!

This is the second essay that I am checking from you today. You are really consistent and dedicated to your work. I salute you for these.

Actually, I am lucky to be sick over the weekend. In two more days, I shall fully recover and emcee three events. I really need to be healthy during those days. I may even get the chance to meet the Philippine President on the third event. I hope he comes in flesh and not join through a video message. ^^ You know I always take your advice. I will do my best to get an executive check up soon. There is nothing to worry about (I hope). ^^

Regarding your patients, there are good days, and there are better days. These are things that you can predict but not all the time. The only guarantee that patients and clients will go and visit your is their urgency to visit you. So cross your fingers always.

About the lesson that you learned from the past leadership you had, it is true that familiarity breeds contempt. The more you know about your staff, the more disappointed you become. So drawing your border lines from them creates a more professional growth.

Thank you very much to your early submission of homework today! Tomorrow,  you shall enjoy your life and forget about your clinic. Meanwhile, your writing contains a variety of simple to complex sentences. Be cautious about your word order as well as spelling always. Excellent output, keep it up!

See you!

-T. Donna~

Hi.
>> Correct!

I've been worried about your health more and more.
>> Correct!

You are not such an old person, we just belong to fourties.
>> Correct!

Make sure you try to recover your body and see doctors soon.
>> Correct!

Money is crucial, but not as much as health.
>> Correct!

You have a good energy to be able to influence to many people.
>> Correct!

It is a special gift from God, so you have a responsiblity for that.
>> Correct!
Or: responsibility

Stay healthy and happy always.
>> Correct!

Anyway, God gave only a little patients to me this morning.
>> Anyway, God gave only a few patients to me this morning.

The profit was not bad though.
>> Correct!

I think I don't want more money and more work.
>> Correct!

Of course, I have no choice because of my debt now.
>> Correct!

When I started my clinic alone, I failed to manage my staff many times.
>> Correct!

Although I didn't mean to make a problem, whenever I listened to and sympathize a staff's word, many staff started conflicts.
>> Although I didn't mean to make a problem, whenever I listened to and sympathize to a staff's word, many staff started conflicts.

One day, five staff resigned together, when there were only seven staff worked in the clinic.
>> One day, five staff resigned together, when there were only seven staff who worked in the clinic.

It was a terrible time.
>> Correct!

After many years, I've realized that I shouldn't have shared personal emotion in relationship with staff.
>> After many years, I've realized that I shouldn't have shared personal emotional relationship with my staff.

See
>> See you.
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첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
완료 되는 것을 원칙으로 하고 있습니다.
03
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