¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

pention

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±Ç*Èñ
2023-11-16 4962

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

It is sad the word 'elder poverty'.

At the end of life, if we suffer from poverty and disease we are very unhappy.

There has big problem a basic pention in Korea.

All the age of 65 receive the same pention even the rich and wealthy.

I argue that basic pension should be divided according to their property and occupational pensions.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Ms. Lily!
It is indeed a sad thing that elderly people end up being poor, not only in your country but globally. A lot of people have not prepared for their retirement so there are times when they rely on their children. Another connected issue here is when their children can't support them, where are they going to get their basic needs?
Aki~

It is sad the word 'elder poverty'. 
>>> The word elderly poverty sounds sad.

At the end of life, if we suffer from poverty and disease we are very unhappy.
>>> CORRECT!
OR >>> At the end of life, suffering from poverty and disease causes great unhappiness.

There has big problem a basic pention in Korea.
>>> There is a big problem a basic pensions in Korea.

All the age of 65 receive the same pention even the rich and wealthy.
>>> All the age of 65, everyone receives the same pension even the rich and wealthy.

I argue that basic pensions should be divided according to their property and occupational pensions.
>>> CORRECT!
OR >> I propose that basic pensions should be split based on property and occupational pensions.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
132946 homework ¼Õ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-04 4652
132945 What advice do you have for young people to avoid or prevent... ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-04 0
132944 Felt Lucky ¹Ú*À² ¿Ï·á 2023-12-04 4293
132943 What are three things to remember to have a good telephone... ÀÌ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2023-12-04 0
132942 Tell me about residence hotel. Can you tell me any roles and... Á¤*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-04 5558
132941 Tell me about MICE industry. Á¤*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-04 3003
132940 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-12-03 3095
132939 During the first meeting ÀÌ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-12-03 2482
132938 My exotic food that I tasted ÃÖ*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-03 3104
132937 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-03 2
132936 Improving English ¿°*¿¹ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-03 3
132935 Aging population ¿°*¿¹ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-03 1
132934 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-12-03 4809
132933 Letter ¹Ú*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-03 1
132932 Survey ±Ç*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-03 1
132931 Write about a time that you sowed concern to someone in your... ¿À*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-03 1
132930 WRITING TASK: What is the best way to avoid making mistakes? ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2023-12-03 5
132929 Changes ¿°*¿¹ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-03 4
132928 Public transport ¿°*¿¹ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-03 3
132927 Help me....the introverted person.... °­*À² ¿Ï·á 2023-12-02 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04