¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

pention

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±Ç*Èñ
2023-11-16 5465

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

It is sad the word 'elder poverty'.

At the end of life, if we suffer from poverty and disease we are very unhappy.

There has big problem a basic pention in Korea.

All the age of 65 receive the same pention even the rich and wealthy.

I argue that basic pension should be divided according to their property and occupational pensions.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Ms. Lily!
It is indeed a sad thing that elderly people end up being poor, not only in your country but globally. A lot of people have not prepared for their retirement so there are times when they rely on their children. Another connected issue here is when their children can't support them, where are they going to get their basic needs?
Aki~

It is sad the word 'elder poverty'. 
>>> The word elderly poverty sounds sad.

At the end of life, if we suffer from poverty and disease we are very unhappy.
>>> CORRECT!
OR >>> At the end of life, suffering from poverty and disease causes great unhappiness.

There has big problem a basic pention in Korea.
>>> There is a big problem a basic pensions in Korea.

All the age of 65 receive the same pention even the rich and wealthy.
>>> All the age of 65, everyone receives the same pension even the rich and wealthy.

I argue that basic pensions should be divided according to their property and occupational pensions.
>>> CORRECT!
OR >> I propose that basic pensions should be split based on property and occupational pensions.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
131170 Being risk taker ¼º*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-20 2802
131169 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-09-20 2792
131168 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-19 2
131167 I don\'t like live the tallest building. ¿À*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-19 0
131166 What¡¯s the nicest thing you¡¯ve ever done for your friends? À¯* ¿Ï·á 2023-09-19 0
131165 homework 09.19 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-09-19 2703
131164 Homework ±è* ¿Ï·á 2023-09-19 1
131163 Homework ±è* ¿Ï·á 2023-09-19 0
131162 would you rather do homework do chores?ᩚ ¼Û*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-09-19 2105
131161 Young people spend a lot of their \"formative years\" with... ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-09-19 2
131160 Which school subject is your least favorite and why? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-09-19 3172
131159 Being an easy and relaxed person °­*À² ¿Ï·á 2023-09-19 3
131158 Homework ½Å*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-19 2912
131157 Homework ±è*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-19 3131
131156 HOMEWORK: Please write a short paragraph about \"What makes my... ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2023-09-19 0
131155 Are you afraid of what other people think of you? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-09-19 3082
131154 230919-HOMEWORK ¾ç*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2023-09-19 1
131153 Homework ±è* ¿Ï·á 2023-09-19 0
131152 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-09-19 3534
131151 Today\'s homework ÀÌ*µµ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-19 2120

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04