¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Healthy Food And Unhealthy Food

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¹Ú*À²
2023-11-17 5471

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

There are many healthy and unhealthy snacks in the world.
The healthy snack is an energy bar.
Most people eat this when they do exercise or just eat.
It's because it is very delicious.
Next, unhealthy snacks are jelly and candy.
Hard jelly can harm our teeth.
Also, if we eat them, we can have a cavity.
Therefore we should brush our teeth clearly when we finish to eat.

I usually eat snacks when I arrive at home.
I'm so hungry after school.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Julie!
I would have to confirm some ideas that you have here.
We have to come up with the best way to express these thoughts.
There's always room for improvement.^^
~~ Teacher Sharon
There are many healthy and unhealthy snacks in the world.
>> Correct
The healthy snack is an energy bar.
>> One example of a healthy snack is an energy bar.
Most people eat this when they do exercise or just eat.
>> Correct
It's because it is very delicious.
>> Correct
Next, unhealthy snacks are jelly and candy.
>> Next, some examples of unhealthy snacks are jelly and candy.
Hard jelly can harm our teeth.
>> Correct
Also, if we eat them, we can have a cavity.
>> Correct
Therefore we should brush our teeth clearly when we finish to eat.
>> Therefore we should brush our teeth well after eating. 
I usually eat snacks when I arrive at home.
>> Correct
I'm so hungry after school.
>> Correct
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
131034 Korean public transportation ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-14 4135
131033 Today\'s homework ÀÌ*µµ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-14 3271
131032 How is technology shaping you? Á¶*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-09-14 1
131031 WRITING TASK: How do you keep yourself healthy? ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2023-09-14 2
131030 Are you always careful about what documents you throw away? ±Ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2023-09-14 0
131029 home work ±è*¶õ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-14 0
131028 Answer for baking ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-09-14 3245
131027 Homework Àü*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-13 7
131026 homework 09.13 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-09-13 4083
131025 In Western countries, many people prefer to work at places, such... ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-09-13 3
131024 Why we celebrate the holidays ÃÖ*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-13 3836
131023 Which country or place would you like to visit? ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-13 2999
131022 Who in your family is the funny one? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-09-13 2979
131021 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-13 2
131020 Homework ÀÌ*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-13 2979
131019 homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-13 3159
131018 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-09-13 3450
131017 HOMEWORK: Please write a short paragraph about \"The... ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2023-09-13 0
131016 Can you tell a physically inactive person from someone who takes... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-09-13 2839
131015 What are some of the most stable stocks in South Korea today? ÀÌ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-13 3

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04