무료 레벨테스트 받고 강사평가 남기면 1,OOO원 쿠폰 즉시 적립!

혹시 사이트에선 찾지 못한 궁금한 점이 있으세요?
남겨주신 이메일을 통해 답변 드리겠습니다.

문의하신 내용이 문자로 발송되오니
연락처를 남겨주세요.
업무시간 월~금 오전9시~오후6시
(점심시간 낮12시~오후1시)

영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Can money buy happiness?

작성자: 김*경
2023-11-22 2542

회원님의 영작문

In short, No way! if we can buy happiness with a fortune, There are no rich people who don’t live a happy life. However, as you might expect, this is not the case. I think money is just a tool we can make the use of to be happy, not something to make us happy. Whenever I see some people clinging and holding firmly to making a fortune with a strong belief that money can give them happiness, I feel sorry. Rather, I believe relationship can bring happiness to us: a relationship with people and God. Money is the cherry on top of a good relationship. We need to make a point to think about why rich people have tried to share their fortune which they acquired after long years of their efforts and sacrifice.

To make a long story short, money is a good tool to help happiness more fruitful. So we shouldn’t put the cart before the horse, avoiding getting obsessed with falsehood about money. We have to keep in mind that what many people have pursued always doesn’t turn out to be good for us.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi Steve! Great job! Grammatically speaking, your sentences are all correct. Excellent work. However, revised sentences are sent to make the statements more clear. Great job!



In short, No way! if we can buy happiness with a fortune, There are no rich people who don’t live a happy life. 
>>> CORRECT!
OR >>> If it were possible to buy happiness with a fortune, there would be no rich people who don't live a happy life.
However, as you might expect, this is not the case. 
>>> CORRECT!
I think money is just a tool we can make the use of to be happy, not something to make us happy. 
>>> CORRECT!
OR >>> I think money is just a tool we can use to be happy, not something that makes us happy.
Whenever I see some people clinging and holding firmly to making a fortune with a strong belief that money can give them happiness, I feel sorry. 
>>> CORRECT!
OR >>> When I see people clinging to the belief that making a fortune will bring them happiness, I feel sorry for them.
Rather, I believe relationship can bring happiness to us: a relationship with people and God. 
>>> CORRECT!
OR >>> Instead, I believe that relationships with people and God can bring happiness to us.
Money is the cherry on top of a good relationship. 
>>> CORRECT!
We need to make a point to think about why rich people have tried to share their fortune which they acquired after long years of their efforts and sacrifice.
>>> CORRECT!
OR >>> We need to consider why rich people have tried to share the fortune they acquired after years of effort and sacrifice.
To make a long story short, money is a good tool to help happiness more fruitful. 
>>> CORRECT!
So we shouldn’t put the cart before the horse, avoiding getting obsessed with falsehood about money. 
>>> CORRECT!
OR >>> So we shouldn’t put the cart before the horse, avoiding becoming obsessed with falsehoods about money.
We have to keep in mind that what many people have pursued always doesn’t turn out to be good for us.
>>> CORRECT!
OR >>> We have to keep in mind that what many people have pursued doesn't always turn out to be good for us.

번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
132724 homework 이*숙 완료 2023-11-24 2124
132723 Do you think Christmas is the best holiday of the year? 신*섭 완료 2023-11-24 3022
132722 HOMEWORK: Please write a short paragraph about \"Is it really... 앨* 완료 2023-11-24 2
132721 Homework 류*우 완료 2023-11-24 3338
132720 Meeting the deadlines 임*진 완료 2023-11-24 3366
132719 homework 정*안 완료 2023-11-24 0
132718 What would you feel if one of your colleagues talked bad about... 이*태 완료 2023-11-24 3529
132717 Homework 권*미 완료 2023-11-24 1
132716 Homework 권*미 완료 2023-11-24 0
132715 Are you ambitious enough to achieve the goals you set? 신*정 완료 2023-11-24 2432
132714 What is it about junk food that is so bad for us? 윤*원 완료 2023-11-24 4
132713 Homework 권*미 완료 2023-11-24 0
132712 Can you tell me about positive economic effect of tourism? 정*환 완료 2023-11-24 1
132711 What is the advantages of working in the hotel industries? 정*환 완료 2023-11-24 3227
132710 how to cancel my appointment 최*환 완료 2023-11-23 2588
132709 Making me laugh 이*규 완료 2023-11-23 3477
132708 Homework 홍*선 완료 2023-11-23 1
132707 homework 이*경 완료 2023-11-23 1
132706 homework 11.23 최*� 완료 2023-11-23 2713
132705 Weekend 염*예 완료 2023-11-23 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[마이페이지 > 수업 내용 보기 > 학습 캘린더 > 영작교정 버튼 클릭]

수업 횟수만큼 영작교정 게시판이 생성되며,
지난 날짜에도 게시 할 수 있습니다.

주5회 수업 : 월 20회 이용 가능
주3회 수업 : 월 12회 이용 가능
주2회 수업 : 월 08회 이용 가능
01
교정 내용은 최대 1,000byte까지 올릴 수 있습니다.

첨부 파일은 원활한 첨삭을 위한 참고자료로 사용될 뿐,
파일에 대한 첨삭은 불가능 합니다.

업로드 가능한 첨부 파일은 최대 2mb까지이며,
첨부 할 수 있는 파일 형식은 다음과 같습니다.

문서 - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
이미지 - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
전문 분야를 제외한 회원님이 직접 작성한 글만
첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
완료 되는 것을 원칙으로 하고 있습니다.
03
하루 게시 가능한 글은 3회까지 이며,
종료된 수업의 영작교정 게시판은
이용이 어려운 점 양해 부탁 드립니다.
04