¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework 12.11

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÃÖ*Ç
2023-12-11 2110

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
What should be the legal age to drink alcohol?

In Korea, we can buy or drink alcohol must be 20 years old in Korean age.
In differently, In Germany, if they are over the 14 years old, they can drink beer at a restaurant.
It's interesting that each country has different legal age.
But, actually alcohol is not good for healthy.
And also, many accidents occur because of alcohol.
In case of Korea, when restaurants and stores sell alcohol or cigarettes to minors, they must be closed a few months.
Often bad minors use the fake ID cards.
So, In my opinion, it should be legal age is high school student or adult who can take some responsibility.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Keon!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille


~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
What should be the legal age to drink alcohol?


In Korea, we can buy or drink alcohol must be 20 years old in Korean age.
>> In Korea, we must be 20 years old in Korean age so we can buy or drink alcohol.
In differently, In Germany, if they are over the 14 years old, they can drink beer at a restaurant.
>> In Germany, it's different because if they are over the 14 years old, they can drink beer at a restaurant.
It's interesting that each country has a different legal age.
>> CORRECT!
But, actually alcohol is not good for healthy.
>> But, actually alcohol is not good for the health.
And also, many accidents occur because of alcohol.
>> CORRECT!
In case of Korea, when restaurants and stores sell alcohol or cigarettes to minors, they must be closed a few months.
>> In case of Korea, when restaurants and stores sell alcohol or cigarettes to minors, they must be closed for a few months.
Often bad minors use the fake ID cards.
>> Often times, bad minors use fake ID cards.
So, In my opinion, it should be legal age is high school student or adult who can take some responsibility.
>> So, in my opinion, the legal age should be at around a high school student's age, or an adult who can take some responsibility.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
133213 The ideal society ÀÓ*Áø ¿Ï·á 2023-12-14 2966
133212 >>> Can you recall (without looking) who and what are on your... ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-12-14 5
133211 How to handle skipper? How it is different from sleepers? Á¤*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-14 2536
133210 Please try to remember what you did after your elementary... ÀÌ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2023-12-14 0
133209 Having pets ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-14 2878
133208 What is your dream vacation location? ÇÏ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-12-14 1
133207 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-12-14 3538
133206 13.Dec.2023 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-14 1
133205 homwork ¹Ú*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-14 7
133204 What situation excites and motivates you? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-12-14 2509
133203 If you were given a chance what would you choose, to change... ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-12-14 1
133202 When do you prefer having a family gathering? ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-13 2595
133201 Would you like to live in your hometown forever? À±*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2023-12-13 0
133200 What do you think is the most important thing in life? À±*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2023-12-13 0
133199 The things that I appreciate. ±è*ºó ¿Ï·á 2023-12-13 0
133198 What are the advantages of having a routine or schedule? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-12-13 2747
133197 homework 12.13 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-12-13 2633
133196 Holiday ¿°*¿¹ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-13 3
133195 I would rather live in a tree house ¼Û*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-12-13 3015
133194 Vice ¿°*¿¹ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-13 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04