¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Travel Pros and cons

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Ȳ*Çý
2024-01-18 1659

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

The advantage of traveling alone is that you are free to spend your leisure time without any restrictions.
The disadvantage is that people may disagree with each other.
So, disagreement can arise.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Julia, thanks for working on your homework. Here are some changes for you to review. The sentences are simplified for better understanding, rewritten for clarity and simplicity, and adjusted for improved flow and clarity.
Sincerely, 
^^ T. Ara


The advantage of traveling alone is that you are free to spend your leisure time without any restrictions.
>>> Traveling alone lets you enjoy your free time without any rules.
The disadvantage is that people may disagree with each other.
>>> However, a downside is that people may disagree, 
So, disagreement can arise.
>>> leading to conflicts.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
133391 HOMEWORK: Please write a short paragraph about \"Is celebrating... ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2023-12-21 2
133390 Do you think the school day should be longer or shorter than it... ¼Û*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-12-21 2242
133389 Homework ÀÌ*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-21 1789
133388 What comes to mind whenever you hear the expression... ±è*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-21 1
133387 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-12-21 2124
133386 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-12-21 1494
133385 12.21.2023 homework ³ë*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-21 2841
133384 Survey ±Ç*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-21 1
133383 What is the best job in your country? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-12-21 1974
133382 homework ±è*¸° ¿Ï·á 2023-12-21 0
133381 Letter ¹Ú*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-21 1
133380 Why do you want to improve your English skills? Á¤*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-12-21 1
133379 homwork ¹Ú*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-21 2
133378 ¼÷Á¦ ±Ç*Å ¿Ï·á 2023-12-21 1750
133377 ¼÷Á¦ ±Ç*Å ¿Ï·á 2023-12-21 1945
133376 ¼÷Á¦ ±Ç*Å ¿Ï·á 2023-12-21 1832
133375 Writing Task: How do prices in your country impact your... ±è*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-21 3312
133374 What qualities do you think make a good leader? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-12-20 1974
133373 homework 12.20 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-12-20 2057
133372 Is technology making people smarter or dumber? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-12-20 0

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04