¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Travel Pros and cons

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Ȳ*Çý
2024-01-18 1996

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

The advantage of traveling alone is that you are free to spend your leisure time without any restrictions.
The disadvantage is that people may disagree with each other.
So, disagreement can arise.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Julia, thanks for working on your homework. Here are some changes for you to review. The sentences are simplified for better understanding, rewritten for clarity and simplicity, and adjusted for improved flow and clarity.
Sincerely, 
^^ T. Ara


The advantage of traveling alone is that you are free to spend your leisure time without any restrictions.
>>> Traveling alone lets you enjoy your free time without any rules.
The disadvantage is that people may disagree with each other.
>>> However, a downside is that people may disagree, 
So, disagreement can arise.
>>> leading to conflicts.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
133813 What are the reasons why kids are afraid of going to the... ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-01-11 2294
133812 What kinds of food can you cook? Would you like to learn how to... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2024-01-11 1563
133811 Lying ÀÓ*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-01-11 2225
133810 Homework À±*¼± ¿Ï·á 2024-01-11 2101
133809 HOMEWORK FOR 01.04.2024 WRITING TASK: What Korean snacks do you... ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-01-11 2
133808 Homework Àå*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-11 3440
133807 essay 4 ¼Û*½Â ¿Ï·á 2024-01-11 2428
133806 Our passion °í*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-11 2121
133805 Homework : unit 19 ¹Ú*³ª ¿Ï·á 2024-01-11 2
133804 3. Bill Watterson said: \"Weekends don\'t count unless you spend... Ȳ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-01-11 2025
133803 I hate to calling me \"AGASSI\" ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-01-11 1884
133802 Which one best fits you? ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-01-11 3219
133801 Why do some people fear death? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-01-11 2101
133800 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-01-10 2384
133799 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-10 2
133798 Homework °­*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-10 2973
133797 homework 01.10 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2024-01-10 3602
133796 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-01-10 626
133795 1/8 homework Á¶*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-10 0
133794 homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-10 4286

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04