¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Being a child

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¹Ú*À²
2024-02-21 2026

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think being a child is better than being an adult.
It's because, if we being an adult, we should get a job to live ourselves.
Our parents would not take care of us anymore so we should live our own life.
And when we being a child, we can only play, eat and sleep.
Study and education is not important at that time.
Also, many adult tell us that being an adult is very hard so they want to be a child again.
Therefore, being a child is better than being an adult.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello! Well done on submitting your homework. The corrections aim to improve clarity, coherence, and consistency in the expression of ideas while maintaining grammatical accuracy.

I think being a child is better than being an adult.
>>> CORRECT!!
It's because, if we being an adult, we should get a job to live ourselves.
It's because, as adults, we have to get a job to support ourselves. 
Our parents would not take care of us anymore so we should live our own life.
Our parents won't take care of us anymore, so we have to live our own lives. 
And when we being a child, we can only play, eat and sleep.
When we were children, we could just play, eat, and sleep. 
Study and education is not important at that time.
Study and education were not as important back then. 
Also, many adult tell us that being an adult is very hard so they want to be a child again.
Also, many adults tell us that being an adult is very hard, and they wish they could be children again. 
Therefore, being a child is better than being an adult.
>>> CORRECT!!
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
136438 HW ³ª*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-04-16 2860
136437 Do you support death penalty? Why? ¿À*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-04-16 2708
136436 Homework ±Ç*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-04-16 2
136435 homework ÀÌ*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2024-04-16 2423
136434 Three perks of being an introvert. ÃÖ* ¿Ï·á 2024-04-16 1656
136433 HOMEWORK FOR 04.16.2024 WRITING TASK: What do you want to do in... ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-04-16 4
136432 2024.04.15 ³²*·Ê ¿Ï·á 2024-04-16 2851
136431 apri 15\'s homework ¾È*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-16 2469
136430 ¼÷Á¦ Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-16 2551
136429 What are some activities or hobbies you turn to when you\'re... ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-16 2439
136428 travel ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-16 2572
136427 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-04-16 3888
136426 15.Apr.2024 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-16 1
136425 What usually makes you happy? ¿À*¼Ò ¿Ï·á 2024-04-16 0
136424 What are the most annoying bad driving habits of other drivers... ±è*¿í ¿Ï·á 2024-04-16 1777
136423 Are you a happy person? ¿À*¼Ò ¿Ï·á 2024-04-16 0
136422 Homework ±è*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-16 2193
136421 My strength ÀÓ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-16 2178
136420 homework ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-16 1596
136419 Page.53 ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-04-16 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04