¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Being a child

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¹Ú*À²
2024-02-21 2160

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think being a child is better than being an adult.
It's because, if we being an adult, we should get a job to live ourselves.
Our parents would not take care of us anymore so we should live our own life.
And when we being a child, we can only play, eat and sleep.
Study and education is not important at that time.
Also, many adult tell us that being an adult is very hard so they want to be a child again.
Therefore, being a child is better than being an adult.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello! Well done on submitting your homework. The corrections aim to improve clarity, coherence, and consistency in the expression of ideas while maintaining grammatical accuracy.

I think being a child is better than being an adult.
>>> CORRECT!!
It's because, if we being an adult, we should get a job to live ourselves.
It's because, as adults, we have to get a job to support ourselves. 
Our parents would not take care of us anymore so we should live our own life.
Our parents won't take care of us anymore, so we have to live our own lives. 
And when we being a child, we can only play, eat and sleep.
When we were children, we could just play, eat, and sleep. 
Study and education is not important at that time.
Study and education were not as important back then. 
Also, many adult tell us that being an adult is very hard so they want to be a child again.
Also, many adults tell us that being an adult is very hard, and they wish they could be children again. 
Therefore, being a child is better than being an adult.
>>> CORRECT!!
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
135240 how would you describe yourself as a kid? what were you like? Áø*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-05 2
135239 homework ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2024-03-05 1937
135238 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-05 2
135237 Write about some of your activities in the evening. Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-03-05 3892
135236 How do you unwind after a busy day? ¿¡*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-03-05 1
135235 Homework ±è*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-05 2636
135234 Homework ±Ç*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-03-05 2
135233 Diary ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-05 0
135232 What makes a person confident? ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-05 2
135231 HOMEWORK Ȳ*Çý ¿Ï·á 2024-03-05 2872
135230 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-03-05 2897
135229 upset ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-05 1
135228 Homework Àå*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-05 1
135227 Homework À±*¼± ¿Ï·á 2024-03-05 2663
135226 Do you think dinosaurs are fascination animals? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-03-05 2402
135225 What are some common barriers that prevent people from learning... ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-05 3082
135224 Do you like making plans with friends or do you like spontaneous... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2024-03-05 3830
135223 HOMEWORK FOR 03.05.2024 WRITING TASK: How can one maintain a... ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-03-05 4
135222 Who among the 4 people in the examples of pessimists and... ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-03-05 1
135221 homework ÀÌ*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2024-03-05 2787

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04