¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

People are becoming too dependent on the Internet and phone.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÓ*¼±
2024-02-21 2046

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

ESSAY: People are becoming too dependent on the Internet and phone. Is it a positive or negative development?

I think the development is more negative than positive.
People can search any information they need to know on the internet and phone anytime and anywhere.
However, people can easily trust wrong information on the internet and phone, so fraud damage through phishing is increasing.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good afternoon Ms. Sunny~!^^ Keep your face always toward the sunshine, and shadows will fall behind you~!^^ 
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
I think the development is more negative than positive.
>>> I think disadvantages outweigh the advantages. 
People can search any information they need to know on the internet and phone anytime and anywhere.
>>> CORRECT~! ^^
However, people can easily trust wrong information on the internet and phone, so fraud damage through phishing is increasing.
>>> CORRECT~! ^^
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
133498 Homework ½Å*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-28 2281
133497 homwork ¹Ú*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-28 1
133496 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-12-27 2370
133495 Are video games better for you than watching TV? ±è*¼ø ¿Ï·á 2023-12-27 2612
133494 Homework ÇÏ*¸² ¿Ï·á 2023-12-27 1
133493 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-12-27 0
133492 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-12-27 0
133491 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-12-27 2
133490 How do you keep your things safe during a trip? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-12-27 2382
133489 homework 12.27 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-12-27 4287
133488 What do you think are the impacts of cancelling a schedule... ÇÏ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-12-27 1
133487 How do you decide whether to offer a hand to someone or to let... ÇÏ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-12-27 0
133486 homework ±è*¸° ¿Ï·á 2023-12-27 2
133485 Final homework. ÀÌ*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-27 2325
133484 homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-27 4003
133483 A long day ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-12-27 3295
133482 People are becoming too dependent on the Internet and phone is a... Àå*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2023-12-27 3345
133481 Which celebrity would you like to swap places with? ¿¡*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-12-27 2
133480 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-12-27 3144
133479 Homework 12/22 ±è*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-27 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04