¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Bullies

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¹Ú*À²
2024-03-06 2716

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I don't have any messages for bullies.
However, there are some bully students in my school.
They are usually girl, so they make-up too much and say a lot of bad words.
I try not to involved with them when I'm in the school.
Also I don't talk to them first.
But I don't scared of them because they are also same age with me.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Julie, thank you for working on your homework. Here are some changes for you to review. The sentences have been simplified for better understanding and rewritten for clarity. I've also made some grammar corrections.
Sincerely,
^^ T. Ara

I don't have any messages for bullies.
>>> CORRECT!!
However, there are some bully students in my school.
>>> However, there are some bully students in my school,
They are usually girl, so they make-up too much and say a lot of bad words.
>>> usually girls who wear a lot of makeup and say bad words.
I try not to involved with them when I'm in the school.
>>>I try not to get involved with them while I'm at school,
Also I don't talk to them first.
>>> and I don't talk to them first.
But I don't scared of them because they are also same age with me.
>>> But I'm not scared of them because they are the same age as me.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
134710 Why do you think it is important to save money? ¼Û*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-02-15 2378
134709 What was your favorite subject? õ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-02-15 2346
134708 What is your favorite amusement park ride? Why do you like it? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-02-15 2769
134707 If you could spend a day with any fictional character, who would... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-15 3326
134706 How can part-time jobs during high school or college provide... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-15 2640
134705 Discuss a memorable experience you had while traveling. ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-15 2038
134704 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-02-15 2520
134703 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-02-15 189
134702 Describe a memorable holiday you have had. Where did you go?... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-15 2516
134701 Homework ±Ç*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-02-15 2
134700 Homework À±*¼± ¿Ï·á 2024-02-15 3402
134699 Our purpose of having events °í*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-15 2848
134698 Homework Àå*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-15 3304
134697 Homework Àå*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-15 2365
134696 What are your good and bad habits? ±Ç*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-15 1
134695 What are some of the important lessons you have learned from... À±*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2024-02-15 0
134694 homework ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-02-15 2715
134693 What is the most important meaning of Seollal for you? Why is... À±*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2024-02-15 0
134692 homework ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-02-15 2475
134691 What\'s the best memory you have from celebrating your birthday? À±*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2024-02-15 0

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04