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My advice about life to elementary students

작성자: 김*민
2024-03-28 66

회원님의 영작문

First, I want to tell to kids that "Life is not in the order of grades", so you don't have to only focus on studying.
But I have to emphasize importance of studying how to socialize with friends. For example, people have to realize that their actions aren't always right, and when people do something wrong, they should apologize.

Second, I want to give an advice that your dream may not be come true, and your life may doesn't go your own way.
This advice results from my experience. I wanted to be a writer, a publisher, or a teacher who teaches Korean to foreign students.
But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare despite I didn't work as a social worker!
Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well, study hard to achieve your dreams. And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who do your best in the given tasks.

And last, I emphasize that I hope you would be safe and healthy in your whole life!

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Great work, Min! You have written a very meaningful answer in your homework. I believe that these realizations and advice will really help a young person.
-Khai
First, I want to tell to kids that "Life is not in the order of grades", so you don't have to only focus on studying.
>> First, I want to tell my kids that, "life is not in the order of grades," so you don't have to only focus on studying.

But I have to emphasize importance of studying how to socialize with friends. 

>> But I have to emphasize the importance of studying how to socialize with friends.

For example, people have to realize that their actions aren't always right, and when people do something wrong, they should apologize.

>> CORRECT

Second, I want to give an advice that your dream may not be come true, and your life may doesn't go your own way.

>> Second, I want to give the advice that your dream may not come true, and your life may not go your way.

This advice results from my experience. 

>> CORRECT

OR

>> This advice was based on my experience.

I wanted to be a writer, a publisher, or a teacher who teaches Korean to foreign students.

>> CORRECT

But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare despite I didn't work as a social worker!

>> But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare, despite the fact that I didn't work as a social worker!

Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well, study hard to achieve your dreams. 

>> Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well and study hard to achieve your dreams.

And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who do your best in the given tasks.

>> And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who does your best at any given task.

And last, I emphasize that I hope you would be safe and healthy in your whole life!

>> And last, I emphasize that I hope you will be safe and healthy your whole life!


번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
137097 Optimism and pessimism 이*규 완료 2024-05-10 5
137096 homework 이*숙 완료 2024-05-10 10
137095 Do you love yourself? Is it important to love yourself? 박*은 완료 2024-05-10 5
137094 Among those countries you\'ve visited, what custom or tradition... 김*희 완료 2024-05-10 0
137093 Describe yourself as a learner 최*영 완료 2024-05-10 1
137092 2024.05.10 숙제 양*율 진행중 2024-05-10 0
137091 Aside from your work, what are the things that will make you... 김*혜 완료 2024-05-10 6
137090 my thought about historical movies 이*희 완료 2024-05-10 8
137089 2024.05.09 남*례 완료 2024-05-10 7
137088 When someone invites you to a birthday, do you go there one time? 박*현 완료 2024-05-10 1
137087 Homework 류*우 완료 2024-05-10 1
137086 May 8th\'s homework 안*희 완료 2024-05-10 6
137085 Some pieces of art sell for millions of dollars. Why are some... 윤*진 완료 2024-05-10 1
137084 Do you think that being a cabin crew is easier than being a chef? 천*은 완료 2024-05-10 2
137083 What are the latest trends in your country? 권*지 완료 2024-05-10 3
137082 What situation will interrupt you from focusing on things? 권*지 완료 2024-05-10 1
137081 Do you think the ambience is important in restaurants? 박*호 완료 2024-05-10 6
137080 After the betrayal 양*연 완료 2024-05-10 3
137079 Describe a photograph you like 오*소 완료 2024-05-10 0
137078 What’s the most challenging thing about having a pet? 오*소 완료 2024-05-10 0

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