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My advice about life to elementary students

작성자: 김*민
2024-03-28 3437

회원님의 영작문

First, I want to tell to kids that "Life is not in the order of grades", so you don't have to only focus on studying.
But I have to emphasize importance of studying how to socialize with friends. For example, people have to realize that their actions aren't always right, and when people do something wrong, they should apologize.

Second, I want to give an advice that your dream may not be come true, and your life may doesn't go your own way.
This advice results from my experience. I wanted to be a writer, a publisher, or a teacher who teaches Korean to foreign students.
But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare despite I didn't work as a social worker!
Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well, study hard to achieve your dreams. And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who do your best in the given tasks.

And last, I emphasize that I hope you would be safe and healthy in your whole life!

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Great work, Min! You have written a very meaningful answer in your homework. I believe that these realizations and advice will really help a young person.
-Khai
First, I want to tell to kids that "Life is not in the order of grades", so you don't have to only focus on studying.
>> First, I want to tell my kids that, "life is not in the order of grades," so you don't have to only focus on studying.

But I have to emphasize importance of studying how to socialize with friends. 

>> But I have to emphasize the importance of studying how to socialize with friends.

For example, people have to realize that their actions aren't always right, and when people do something wrong, they should apologize.

>> CORRECT

Second, I want to give an advice that your dream may not be come true, and your life may doesn't go your own way.

>> Second, I want to give the advice that your dream may not come true, and your life may not go your way.

This advice results from my experience. 

>> CORRECT

OR

>> This advice was based on my experience.

I wanted to be a writer, a publisher, or a teacher who teaches Korean to foreign students.

>> CORRECT

But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare despite I didn't work as a social worker!

>> But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare, despite the fact that I didn't work as a social worker!

Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well, study hard to achieve your dreams. 

>> Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well and study hard to achieve your dreams.

And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who do your best in the given tasks.

>> And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who does your best at any given task.

And last, I emphasize that I hope you would be safe and healthy in your whole life!

>> And last, I emphasize that I hope you will be safe and healthy your whole life!


번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
136189 Describe a hobby that you are interested in 오*소 완료 2024-04-08 1
136188 Do you have a hard time saying \'no\'? 김*규 완료 2024-04-08 2
136187 Page.39 김*진 완료 2024-04-08 2
136186 What is the strangest food you have ever eaten?ㅑㅜ 맹*영 완료 2024-04-07 2523
136185 What is your favorite liquor brand? 김*환 완료 2024-04-07 2098
136184 What would you do in this situation? You have bought a ticket to... 진*호 완료 2024-04-07 3
136183 How do you prepare for an examination? 진*호 완료 2024-04-07 1
136182 homework 김*별 완료 2024-04-07 4
136181 What sort of fashion do you like? Why? 차*혁 완료 2024-04-07 2382
136180 Where were you yesterday? What did you do? 최*한 완료 2024-04-07 1925
136179 What do you dislike doing most these days? Explain your answer. 차*진 완료 2024-04-07 1966
136178 HOMEWORK FOR 04.05.2024 WRITING TASK: How can we maintain our... 임*지 완료 2024-04-07 8
136177 What\'s your ideal dacoration for your house in the future?... 오*혁 완료 2024-04-07 0
136176 Homework 김*우 완료 2024-04-07 2
136175 Suppose you could invent a new toy. Describe what it would do... 윤*원 완료 2024-04-06 0
136174 Reflect on a challenge you faced and how you overcame it. 윤*원 완료 2024-04-06 1
136173 Why is it important to rest and relax during a long weekend? 윤*원 완료 2024-04-06 0
136172 2024.04.05 남*례 완료 2024-04-05 2121
136171 Why is youth voting important? 이*윤 완료 2024-04-05 3126
136170 Homework 장*혁 완료 2024-04-05 3247

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