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자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

My advice about life to elementary students

작성자: 김*민
2024-03-28 3527

회원님의 영작문

First, I want to tell to kids that "Life is not in the order of grades", so you don't have to only focus on studying.
But I have to emphasize importance of studying how to socialize with friends. For example, people have to realize that their actions aren't always right, and when people do something wrong, they should apologize.

Second, I want to give an advice that your dream may not be come true, and your life may doesn't go your own way.
This advice results from my experience. I wanted to be a writer, a publisher, or a teacher who teaches Korean to foreign students.
But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare despite I didn't work as a social worker!
Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well, study hard to achieve your dreams. And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who do your best in the given tasks.

And last, I emphasize that I hope you would be safe and healthy in your whole life!

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Great work, Min! You have written a very meaningful answer in your homework. I believe that these realizations and advice will really help a young person.
-Khai
First, I want to tell to kids that "Life is not in the order of grades", so you don't have to only focus on studying.
>> First, I want to tell my kids that, "life is not in the order of grades," so you don't have to only focus on studying.

But I have to emphasize importance of studying how to socialize with friends. 

>> But I have to emphasize the importance of studying how to socialize with friends.

For example, people have to realize that their actions aren't always right, and when people do something wrong, they should apologize.

>> CORRECT

Second, I want to give an advice that your dream may not be come true, and your life may doesn't go your own way.

>> Second, I want to give the advice that your dream may not come true, and your life may not go your way.

This advice results from my experience. 

>> CORRECT

OR

>> This advice was based on my experience.

I wanted to be a writer, a publisher, or a teacher who teaches Korean to foreign students.

>> CORRECT

But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare despite I didn't work as a social worker!

>> But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare, despite the fact that I didn't work as a social worker!

Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well, study hard to achieve your dreams. 

>> Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well and study hard to achieve your dreams.

And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who do your best in the given tasks.

>> And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who does your best at any given task.

And last, I emphasize that I hope you would be safe and healthy in your whole life!

>> And last, I emphasize that I hope you will be safe and healthy your whole life!


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136238 My parent\'s advice 양*연 완료 2024-04-09 2318
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136235 How important is it to encourage children to take up hobbies? 오*소 완료 2024-04-09 0
136234 About long average working hour 정*훈 완료 2024-04-09 3097
136233 HOMEWORK: Why do people need to learn English as a second... 이*은 완료 2024-04-09 2058
136232 homework 박*연 완료 2024-04-09 3304
136231 HOMEWORK: Describe your favorite person. 이*은 완료 2024-04-09 2411
136230 Do you think having siblings or being an only child is better?... 김*순 완료 2024-04-09 2665
136229 HOMEWORK: What is the best thing to do in Spring Season? 이*은 완료 2024-04-08 2199
136228 homework 유*린 완료 2024-04-08 2225
136227 Describe the beautiful flowers you see in spring. 임*호 완료 2024-04-08 1
136226 Reflect on a challenge you faced and how you overcame it. 황*은 완료 2024-04-08 2436
136225 Homework 이*준 완료 2024-04-08 3182
136224 What is your favorite cafe? Why? 김*지 완료 2024-04-08 0
136223 Where do you want to be seated in a restaurant, a smoking or a... 맹*영 완료 2024-04-08 2052
136222 Homework 장*혁 완료 2024-04-08 1970
136221 Saving something for you 이*규 완료 2024-04-08 2901
136220 When is it okay to quit and when is it not okay to quit? 김*지 완료 2024-04-08 0
136219 Why is it important to rest and relax during a long weekend? 황*은 완료 2024-04-08 4762

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