¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

First homework essay.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¼Û*ÈÆ
2024-04-19 2029

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®



It was nice time talking with you. I'm looking forward to see you in next class. Have nice weekends!

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good afternoon Diego~!^^ It's nice to read your first essay ever! Thanks for having an impressive understanding and depth of knowledge about your interests in writing topics. Keep it up!
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well.  To what extent do you agree or disagree?
I agree that student should participate in unpaid community work in their free time.
>>> CORRECT~^^
First, school is not the only place students can learn about the society. 
>>> CORRECT~^^
There are many fields which are not included in the books.
>>> CORRECT~^^
By joining the unpaid community work, some students might find out their new talents.
>>> CORRECT~^^
 I saw a story in newspaper, about a student found his talent after joining unpaid community program. 
 >>> I saw a story in [ the ] newspaper, about a student [who] found his talent after joining an unpaid community program. 
After volunteering in planting crops, he chose his dream to become a farmer.
>>> CORRECT~^^
Second, it is good method to help local community maintenance.
>>> Second, it is [ a ] good method to help [the] local community's maintenance.
Some local community is in trouble that young people leave the town to find a job.
>>> Some local community is in trouble [when] young people leave the town to find a job.
There is a lack of labor capability that should be fulfilled.
>>> CORRECT~^^
This problem can be solved when students use their free time. 
>>> CORRECT~^^
Students can work in libraries, local community festival, local market and etc.
>>> CORRECT~^^
Finally, student will learn to become a member of local society.
>>> CORRECT~^^
 One of main goals in education is to produce a collaborative member of society. 
>>> CORRECT~^^
By working in unpaid community, students will learn community network, loyalty.
>>> CORRECT~^^
 In the future, they will be the great asset in local society.
>>> CORRECT~^^
These are the reasons why I agree that students should join the unpaid community work.
>>> CORRECT~^^
Thank you.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
136422 Homework ±è*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-16 2065
136421 My strength ÀÓ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-16 2088
136420 homework ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-16 1492
136419 Page.53 ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-04-16 2
136418 homework À¯*¸° ¿Ï·á 2024-04-15 2652
136417 How would you like to reward yourself after preparing for and... ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-15 0
136416 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-15 2
136415 Homework Àå*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-15 1827
136414 I want to know these sentences are grammatically correct! °­*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-15 1554
136413 homework 04.15 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2024-04-15 1686
136412 What is the role of political parties in Korean elections? Ȳ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-04-15 2401
136411 Describe someone you look up to and why they inspire you. Ȳ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-04-15 1709
136410 Write about a place you would like to visit and what you would... Ȳ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-04-15 2573
136409 What I did last weekend Á¶*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2024-04-15 2534
136408 Home work ÃÖ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2024-04-15 2292
136407 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-04-15 2
136406 How do you keep your body healthy? ÃÖ*ÇÑ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-15 1981
136405 Which method helps you learn the material you are studying the... ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-04-15 2145
136404 Homework ±Ç*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-04-15 1
136403 If you live far away from some members of your family, how do... ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-04-15 3036

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04