무료 레벨테스트 받고 강사평가 남기면 1,OOO원 쿠폰 즉시 적립!

혹시 사이트에선 찾지 못한 궁금한 점이 있으세요?
남겨주신 이메일을 통해 답변 드리겠습니다.

문의하신 내용이 문자로 발송되오니
연락처를 남겨주세요.
업무시간 월~금 오전9시~오후6시
(점심시간 낮12시~오후1시)

영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Think about vegetarianism and why you think it is not applicable for everyone.

작성자: 김*경
2024-04-25 2701

회원님의 영작문

It is sure that vegetarianism lacks some nutrients because of his biased diet. I believe we were created to eat animals to survive. So, it is against our inherent survival system in nutrients to eat only vegetables or fruits. But I see some people look healthy despite of their one-sided diet while others are likely to get sick on diet without meat or chicken. That’s why vegetarianism can’t apply to everyone. No matter what makes you keep away from meat, it’s only what each person has to choose, but not what you persuade others to follow because it’s health-related problem.

One more reason that vegetarianism can’t apply to everyone is their humiliation for those eating meat. As I mentioned early, we need nutrients from meat because of some nutrients that our body can’t produce. But some vegetarians just criticize those eating meat, ignoring our inherent nutrient-related system although they have the same body like us. So It’s just personal taste which we can’t compel others to do.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi Steve,

Thanks for sharing your opinion. I strongly agree with you. People should not impose their beliefs on others. ^^

-Teacher Ash

It is sure that vegetarianism lacks some nutrients because of his biased diet.
>> It is certain that a vegetarian diet may be lacking in certain nutrients due to its biased nature. 

I believe we were created to eat animals to survive. 
>> CORRECT
OR >> I believe, we were created to eat meat to survive. 

So, it is against our inherent survival system in nutrients to eat only vegetables or fruits.
>>Eating only vegetables or fruits goes against our natural instinct for nutrient-rich foods that support our survival.

But I see some people look healthy despite of their one-sided diet while others are likely to get sick on diet without meat or chicken. 
>> While some people seem to thrive on a one-sided diet, others might face health issues if they opt for a diet lacking in meat or chicken.

That’s why vegetarianism can’t apply to everyone. 
>> That’s why vegetarianism is not for everyone.  

No matter what makes you keep away from meat, it’s only what each person has to choose, but not what you persuade others to follow because it’s health-related problem.
>> Regardless of the reasons that lead individuals to abstain from meat, it's a personal decision that should be respected. Health-related concerns are subjective, and it's not appropriate to impose one's choices on others.

One more reason that vegetarianism can’t apply to everyone is their humiliation for those eating meat.
>> One reason vegetarianism is not for everyone is because some vegetarians look down upon meat- eaters.

As I mentioned early, we need nutrients from meat because of some nutrients that our body can’t produce. 
>> As stated earlier, our bodies need certain nutrients found in meat that are not produce internally.

But some vegetarians just criticize those eating meat, ignoring our inherent nutrient-related system although they have the same body like us. 
>> However, some vegetarians criticize meat-eaters without considering the inherent nutrient requirements of the human body, despite sharing the same biological needs.

So It’s just personal taste which we can’t compel others to do.
>> Therefore, dietary choices boil down to personal preference, and it's not appropriate to impose one's choices onto others.

번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
136606 Homework 윤*선 완료 2024-04-22 2603
136605 2024.04.19 남*례 완료 2024-04-22 2335
136604 HW 나*진 완료 2024-04-22 2734
136603 Do you think traffic congestion is a problem that can be solved... 윤*진 완료 2024-04-22 1
136602 HOMEWORK FOR 04.22.2023 WRITING TASK: How can we prepare for the... 임*지 완료 2024-04-22 3
136601 How much does your family mean to you? Why? 길*진 완료 2024-04-22 5
136600 Sensible gift 임*준 완료 2024-04-22 2239
136599 In 3~5 sentences, answer the question below: >> Do you like... 이*연 완료 2024-04-22 3
136598 4/19 essay 이*노 완료 2024-04-22 2281
136597 Why is carpentry a skilled profession? 박*호 완료 2024-04-22 2208
136596 risk -takers 양*연 완료 2024-04-22 2154
136595 18.Apr.2024 김*정 완료 2024-04-22 1
136594 Describe your dream house. 김*욱 완료 2024-04-22 1969
136593 What is your weakness that hinders you from accomplishing your... 김*환 완료 2024-04-21 2361
136592 How often do you order food to go? 맹*영 완료 2024-04-21 2259
136591 Make a sentence using the words below: 차*진 완료 2024-04-21 1988
136590 Are you good at managing your time? Explain your answer. 차*혁 완료 2024-04-21 2047
136589 How do we prevent burnout? 송*하 완료 2024-04-21 2536
136588 change the hotel 민*정 완료 2024-04-21 1
136587 Do you prefer eating lunch together with your... 진*호 완료 2024-04-21 5

HOW TO USE IT?

[마이페이지 > 수업 내용 보기 > 학습 캘린더 > 영작교정 버튼 클릭]

수업 횟수만큼 영작교정 게시판이 생성되며,
지난 날짜에도 게시 할 수 있습니다.

주5회 수업 : 월 20회 이용 가능
주3회 수업 : 월 12회 이용 가능
주2회 수업 : 월 08회 이용 가능
01
교정 내용은 최대 1,000byte까지 올릴 수 있습니다.

첨부 파일은 원활한 첨삭을 위한 참고자료로 사용될 뿐,
파일에 대한 첨삭은 불가능 합니다.

업로드 가능한 첨부 파일은 최대 2mb까지이며,
첨부 할 수 있는 파일 형식은 다음과 같습니다.

문서 - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
이미지 - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
전문 분야를 제외한 회원님이 직접 작성한 글만
첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
완료 되는 것을 원칙으로 하고 있습니다.
03
하루 게시 가능한 글은 3회까지 이며,
종료된 수업의 영작교정 게시판은
이용이 어려운 점 양해 부탁 드립니다.
04

와이즈에듀케이션아이(주) 사이트명: 파워잉글리쉬 대표이사 전상현
사업자등록번호: 217-81-44736 통신판매신고번호: 2014-서울도봉-0233호
서울본사: 서울시 노원구 한글비석로 245 두타빌 B동 7층 713호
대표번호 1688-8672 개인정보관리 책임자: 안희영 [powerenglish@pweng.net]