¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

How much money do you save every day?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¸Í*¿µ
2024-05-06 2389

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I've saved a 40percent of my salary since I was 27.
Most of the money, I've bought america stock and ETF.
Among my stocks, QQQ ETF is my best Stock.
QQQ invests main technology company in America. There are Apple, Google, Tesla, etc 100 major company.
These days, There are so many A.I company in the world, Palantir is so hot in the stock market.
But i invested in Palantir in 2023. I believe that Palantir will be high value stock.
High risk Investing is so dangerous, So invester have to study to stock market and company.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Jun! Thank you so much for doing your homework. You did a wonderful job. Please take note of the corrections I made on your sentences. Keep it up and see you in class! ^^
-T. Julia
I've saved a 40 percent of my salary since I was 27.
>> Correct
Most of the money, I've bought america stock and ETF.
>> Most of the money, I've bought American stock and ETF.
Among my stocks, QQQ ETF is my best Stock.
>> Among my stocks, QQQ ETF is my best stock.
QQQ invests in main technology companies in America. 
>> Correct
There are Apple, Google, Tesla, etc 100 major company.
>> There are Apple, Google, Tesla, etc., 100 major companies.
These days, There are so many A.I company in the world, Palantir is so hot in the stock market.
>> These days, there are so many A.I. companies in the world that Palantir is so hot in the stock market.
But i invested in Palantir in 2023.
>> Correct
I believe that Palantir will be high value stock.
>> I believe that Palantir will be a high-value stock.
High risk Investing is so dangerous, So invester have to study to stock market and company.
>> High-risk investing is so dangerous that investors have to study the stock market and companies.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
139232 In order to look good is the most important working out. ÀÌ*¸§ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-16 2273
139231 Science subjects that I\'ve learned in school ¹Ú*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-16 2245
139230 16.Aug.2024 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-16 1
139229 2024.08.15 ³²*·Ê ¿Ï·á 2024-08-16 2861
139228 If you could have the perfect birthday party, what would it be? ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-16 1798
139227 What do you think of the sound and smell of rain? ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-08-16 2724
139226 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-16 2272
139225 Agust 14th homework ¾È*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-16 1632
139224 8/16(Fri) homework ±è*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-16 1878
139223 Have you ever worked in a place where you felt unhappy or... Çö* ¿Ï·á 2024-08-16 1990
139222 How to stop bullying in school. ÇÑ*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-16 6
139221 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-16 0
139220 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-16 0
139219 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-16 0
139218 What type of content would you suggest we produce to keep... ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-08-16 2203
139217 Holidays ±è*ÀÏ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-16 2242
139216 HOMEWORK FOR 08.16.2024 WRITING TASK: What is the best place to... ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-08-16 3
139215 How would you describe your previous job as a real estate agent? ÀÓ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-16 2089
139214 Page43 ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-08-16 2
139213 Homework ¾È*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-08-16 7

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04