¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What do you think of children doing household chores? Should they do household chores? Should they d

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Â÷*Çõ
2024-05-12 2492

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I agree on children doing household chores, because they are doing household chores is very nice.
Also doing household chores makes children feel curious, responsible,great.
If all the family members do household chores, familyship will be good.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello again, Jimmy!

Here's your revised essay. Please go over the revisions, such as removing the comma before the word "because". 
Have a good evening there!


Cheers,
Jean~~





         What do you think of children doing household chores? Should they do household chores or not? Why?


I agree on children doing household chores, because they are doing household chores is very nice.
>> I agree on children doing household chores because doing so is a good thing. 

Also doing household chores makes children feel curious, responsible,great.
>> Also, doing housework makes children feel curious, responsible, and great.

If all the family members do household chores, familyship will be good.
>> If all the family members do household chores, the family relationship will be good. 
 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
136849 What do you think of the rainy season? How do you feel when it... Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-30 2682
136848 homework 04.30 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2024-04-30 2552
136847 Choose the correct preposition for the following sentences: 1.... ÃÖ*¼º ¿Ï·á 2024-04-30 2703
136846 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-04-30 1
136845 Why do you think Korean dramas are so popular? Áø*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-30 0
136844 What do you think is the most useful thing in the world? Explain. ¿À*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-30 0
136843 Fears ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-04-30 2905
136842 What are some good things to ask someone you just met? Ȳ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-04-30 2159
136841 my school ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-04-30 3631
136840 What most worries you about global warming? ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-04-30 3858
136839 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-04-30 2881
136838 HW ³ª*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-04-30 2820
136837 How good are you at playing sports? How could you be better? ¿À*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-04-30 2598
136836 Homework- I really appreciate it. À±*¼± ¿Ï·á 2024-04-30 3494
136835 place ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-30 1
136834 What other English words with the short or lax vowel sound [ih]... ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-30 2565
136833 What things are there to look forward to about old age? À±*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-04-30 2
136832 Homework 4 ¼Û*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-30 3770
136831 diary ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-30 0
136830 Language ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-30 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04